Due Late

Me at 39 weeks and growing

    
        So my due date has come and gone and before you even ask:  No. The baby hasn't arrived.  The worst part of the last few weeks of pregnancy is not the backache, the heartburn or the gas (well Dave might debate that). No, the worse is the fact that every stranger decides to talk to you and point out that you're pregnant (in case you didn't notice).  Seriously I'll be at the grocery store and before I make it from the milk section to the cheese section-a 3 inch but somehow 10minute journey-I hear "when are you due?", "oh you look like you're about to pop any moment" or even better: that person's life story in regards to their reproductive history.  Dave says people are just trying to be nice, I say people are just bored and see a slow moving target.  Besides I hate the phrase "about to pop".  My stomach area feels so full of fetus right now that I'm scared one false move and I will literally pop: a leg directly out of my stomach like in that alien movie.  It's just not strangers, it seems like I'm fielding questions about my baby's tardiness left, right and center.  Yes I know people care but if I actually got a baby for every time someone asked me if the baby is here yet, I'd be a Duggar.... I guess my amount of patience correlates directly to my ability to see my feet.
   I realized that I haven't blogged in over a week.  So what have I been up to?  Well not much, hence the drought in blog entries.  There are only so many ways you can dress up sitting on the couch, eating chips and watching TV.  Anyways:

• Dave came back from his work vacation.  I call it a work vacation because he wasn't home and helping me do my household tasks like a good little peon.  He's been off work for a week and a half so it would have been the perfect time, to, you know, have that baby.  Like a true MC, schooled in the art of being inconvenient and late-the baby never came and probably will come tomorrow when Dave does go back to work.  We pretty much went from one extreme to another-from him never being here to him always being here.  The thing that suffered most (apart from my sanity)?  My reality TV watching.  I had to "share" the TV which meant I was subjected to a lot of man shows.  As we speak Dave is watching Deadliest Catch where they're catching crabs.  I'm sorry but I see bigger crabs on my trashy shows (Jersey Shore I'm looking at you..) so I'm not impressed.  I can't wait until he goes back to work so I can flush out my mind with a good dose of trashy shows without shame or him sending me dirty looks.  Trust me, they are all PVRed and every day Dave asks me if I meant to record those shows.  On the plus side I got him addicted to Millionaire Matchmaker so I guess he's not a complete loss...
• I added another person to my hit list.  My doctor told me on my Wednesday appointment that he was going on vacation....MONDAY.  Yes, he gave me 5 days notice.  We're not talking about a family emergency or a conference, no, he's going to Australia for a month.  Gee doctor, you think you could have given me a little more notice?  Seriously, I felt like bitch slapping him with that plastic vagina model that sits on his shelf.  I won't say the visual of him getting eaten by a Dingo didn't cross my mind... I finally met the doctor that is covering for him, TODAY.  It was the only time they could squeeze me in, and the worst?  The receptionist gave me a lecture about leaving it to the last moment.  Maybe you should talk to your boss? Hmm...
• I can't remember if I have ranted about this before, but we've been having trouble with our big ass stroller.  The brake doesn't work, probably a result of a bent frame.  I've been dealing with Baby's World and Phil and Ted since February 20th.  Anyways they finally lodged their head out of their ass and shipped me the part to fix it.  However when I see it I will believe it.  I've also been waiting for the second seat which has been on backorder.  After 6weeks they finally got it.  When I went to pick it up-it was the wrong color.  For those that know me, I'm way to anal to let that fly.  We ended up buying it, since you know, baby can come anytime and we didn't want to get stuck without anyway of transporting the kiddies.  Anyways after a few angry emails, phone calls and an entire week later I returned the seat with a giant "shove it where your head was previously" and went to TJ Kiddies that actually had the seat in the color I wanted in stock.  Just getting to Vancouver was a day trip.  By the time we drove there-with Lily screaming the whole time, picked up the seat-with Lily screaming the whole time, stopped by McDonalds playplace so Lily could stretch-with Lily screaming the whole time and drove home-with Lily screaming the whole time, it took 3 hours!!  Seriously, the kid was 5minutes away from getting put in the truck bed of the BAT.
• Dave and the Big ass truck also earned themselves a place on my hit list.  While putting the BAS in the BAT, my MP3 player fell out.  Dave then proceeded to drive over it with 6000lbs of truck.  In case you are wondering, the BAT won. I found the carcass the next day.

This is what happens when you try to pick fights with a BAT

      
    As you can tell, it's been a week of frustration.  I've been trying to be positive and a good sport about things, then I realized that it goes against my nature.  As I've said over Facebook, it's been one of those weeks where you want to head to your local coffee shop and terrorize a barrister-because you know it's their fault for everything.  Make me a tall non fat 1/2 pump vanilla latte 180 degrees in a grande cup with extra whip cream and chocolate sauce on top in the design of a happy face. But not too happy...oh and I brought my own thermometer so even try to pass 170degrees as 180! 
   Here's hoping that baby will arrive soon.  Tuesday they plan to induce me if I don't go into labor naturally.  and YES I will keep you posted, if you hear no news then there's no baby yet...

Waiting for Baby

    Two more days until Dave comes home from Victoria and it looks like I'm in the clear in regards to the baby arriving while he's away.  I technically have a week and a half left until my due date but since Lily was born at 38weeks I was planning (Read: Hoping) that baby #3 would follow suit and be here crying and pooping by now.  We didn't find out the gender but right now I'm pretty sure it's a boy because it seems lazy and in no rush to come out anytime soon (my son was born at 41weeks and only then because the doctors had to induce me).  Great.  Not only will I probably be overdue but I'll have a son who is 30years old and still living in my basement.  Luckily you can induce your adult kids out of the nest by cutting the cable and the internet or changing the locks when they go out-a mistake my parent's made was not changing the locks when I left and not getting my key.  I came back and in bigger numbers.
     Since my labor "scare" at 36weeks (read: I peed myself and thought my water broke) my family and I have been on standby with the expectation that this could happen at anytime.  This mentality is hard for someone who is as lazy as I am since it means I have to make sure every night I am ready.  Usually I will leave a few dishes or laundry or a mess for the next day's adventure (my life isn't that exciting I want to stretch out the fun for the next day..).  However right now I don't want to go in labor and have to worry about scrubbing my toilets before heading to the hospital or leaving for a few days and have Lily's diaper genie marinating in the sun for when I get back.  I just know that I will go into labor as soon as I run out of groceries, toilet paper and toothpaste.  I want to be somewhat prepared domestically since we've done NOTHING to get ready for baby #3.
   Yes you heard me correctly, we have done NOTHING.  I guess there are a few things we have done-we have our Phil and Ted Stroller bought, however we don't have the second seat yet (it's on hold at the store).  My mom bought us a pack of newborn diapers so baby #3 won't be pooping on the patio, but that's it.  Lily's carseat and bassinet are in storage so it's a matter of just dragging it out.  BTW when I say storage I mean my parent's crawl space.  I have a long history of not compensating them for storing my stuff and I hope they don't watch too much Storage Wars and get any crazy ideas.  Last thing I need is having to barter with Barry or Darren to get my boxes of random junk back.  I mentally have a list of things I should have or set up but I haven't been in the mood.  I just figure I can pop into Superstore to get the supplies after baby is here, how hard could it be with two kids?
   Lily hasn't gotten the memo in regards to getting ready for the baby's arrival.  She has been ramping up her efforts to be a brat the last week and a half.  She decided that this week is the week she's going to get all her teeth including a possible molar.  I just want to snooze on the couch or sleep through the night and she just wants to scream at me because as you know being the worst mom on the planet it's my fault she's getting teeth.  She's had over a year to get those things...  She has also been learning how to walk and is currently on the move and getting INTO everything. I will go to the bathroom and when I come out there will be a mass trail of destruction.  It always follows the same path-the CD ROM open, Dave's magazine on his nightstand ripped and torn, books pulled off the bookshelf and ends in our on suite bathroom with the toilet brush being used as a hairbrush and Lily sucking on a shampoo bottle.  Lily is also restless because she hasn't been on any playdates the last week and a half-not her fault, more of my lazy butt-and she's tired of having to play with the grumpy pregnant lady.
   So we have at the max 3 more weeks give or take until baby is here and hopefully we can co-ordinate everyone (and my husband be in town) when the time comes.  Waiting is the hardest especially for labor since even after 2 kids I still don't really have confidence that I will know when I actually go into labor. 

Soon, very soon

Preg-NANCY

So I'm in my last trimester of pregnancy.  I'm 36 weeks and if I'm like how I was with Lily, I could be expecting the arrival of baby #3 in as little as 3 weeks.  It's the final crunch and I'm starting to feel, well pregnant...not that glowing feeling of the second trimester but the gross bloated, "I am so done" pregnant feeling. Part of me wants the pregnancy to be done and over with but the other part of me is not quite ready for baby #3 to come just yet-the only thing we have done to prepare was to buy the big ass stroller and even with that we haven't bought the double seat yet.  Do I sense being at Superstore with new baby, Lily and myself crying in the diaper aisle with new baby wearing just a towel around its butt?  I'm also a bit nervous about having a newborn in the house.  You'd think the second time around I would have a clue on what to do but to be honest I have a very short memory.  What I do remember from Lily was that I wasn't fond of the newborn stage.  I mean half the time you didn't know if they even LIKED you, they'd either scream at you or crap their pants.  Once they started smiling it got a bit better, any sort of positive feedback that I was doing something right was welcome.  I also don't like that whole weak neck situation.  I'm also worried about Lily beating it up.  I mean she already wacks my belly with the remote control or jabs it with her finger.  We've been working on the word gentle, incorporating the phrase "hug not thug" given her taste for bitch slapping.  I'd love to say she's getting better but last night she almost broke my mom's nose when she stomped on it (my mom sorta had it coming for holding Lily over her head while lying down..).  At my last prenatal appointment the doctor made a comment that the baby moves around a lot and when they tried to get its heart rate it would move away.  I wasn't surprised-with Lily as your big sister, you would learn to move fast as well.
  Anyways so far everything is looking good-head is down, heart rate good, growth ahead of schedule- Surprise, surprise, they are expecting another big MAC baby. 

So how am I doing so far?:

• I stepped on the scale to inspect my weight gain progress.  Gaining weight during pregnancy is important, sort of like getting off the couch every once in a while and not having cookies for dinner important.  However it is hard for any woman to deal with the concept that weigh gain is okay.  Yes there are some women who claim they love their pregnancy curves but I'm pretty sure they're lying through their teeth while crying into their chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream.  We spend our whole adulthood looking at the numbers on a scale and begging for them to go down or at least stay put.  For some reason as soon as we get a positive pregnancy test, people expect us to get over this fact and do a happy dance as our digits go up.  Did I mention we are also hit in the face with magazine articles about celebrities giving birth then climbing into a size 0 bikini?  No pressure, gain that weight but it better be off before the photoshoot.  I'll gain the weight because it's all about a healthy baby, but it doesn't mean I'm going to celebrate my pregnancy curves.  Anyways I weighed myself and wasn't too worried with the number that showed up until I realized that it was in KGs and not LBS.  Ouch.  The good point is that within the next week I won't be able to see my feet and the numbers on the scale.
• I've had a real terrible pregnancy brain this time around.  As you may have read from other posts I have done stupid things like introducing my cousin to his sister and asking if they have met before at Lily's birthday and shredding a government check.  I have also missed 3 prenatal appointments so far.  With my other two pregnancies I never missed a single one.  Two days ago I had messed up my prenatal appointment. Right time wrong day (last time it was right day wrong time). Luckily they  squeezed me in.  Unlike my clothes the doctors office is more accommodating in that sense.  I have also been hopeless at trying to learn how to work our cable.  For the first week Dave got tired of me calling him at work asking him how to turn the TV on.  I eventually got too embarrassed to phone to ask how to change the channel so I endured a few hours of Jerry Springer the first week.  BTW why is everyone on that show surprised that they are on Jerry Springer,  it's like cows before entering the slaughterhouse, they have that blank "I don't know whats going on and nothing bad can happen from being on this show" glare on their face.  I can safely report that I can now change channels.
• I have entered the "whale" stage of pregnancy, meaning that I feel huge AND take up a lot of space as well.  Not to mention people now go "oh you look huge!","you must be due REAL soon" etc etc.  I feel sorry for every slow moving semi-truck I've passed on the highway in frustration.  I mean when you're this big and heavy, there is no way you're moving fast.  I have noticed that like the semi-trucks, people have the same tolerance for me and my slow moving ways.  I have people getting inpatient with me when I'm on a crosswalk-pregnant and pushing a stroller- for walking too slow (I've even yelled at a idiot in a BAT that it's called a STROLLER for a reason),try to squeeze past me in the mall or walk directly behind me sighing on the sidewalk.  I'm not asking for any special treatment, just a little more space.  If you've been pregnant you know it's not like having stomach fat.  Fat you can manipulate and suck in and adjust your space usuage.  A baby bump isn't going anywhere.  At least nature has given us a natural defense in this circumstance: Pregnancy gas.  Seriously, if someone gets too close I'm crop dusting.
• Every pregnancy, right before the baby is born Dave ruins my maternity clothes.  This is probably correlated with the fact that my nagging increases with each passing week about how he has to help a bit more around the house because I'm to pregnant to do stuff like bend.  In return he gets this urge to all of a sudden do laundry.  Some people say it's because he truly wants to help, but really, I think he's establishing incompetence.  He knows that if he screws up once he'll be off the hook.  When I was pregnant with Lily, he washed all my maternity clothes in hot water, and then threw my maternity pants that were under a no dryer order....IN THE DRYER.  So not only did I have to lube myself into my clothes but my nicely hemmed pants were all of the sudden sporty capris...which would have been fine if it was not FEBRUARY.  With only 3 weeks to go there was no point buying new ones so I had to walk around in flood pants.  What did Dave do this time?  Well I knew there was a problem when he lost his chap stick.  Anyways last night I opened up the dryer and was greeted with the smell of peppermint.  As I pulled out my grease stained clothes I found Dave's chapstick.  It was in his sweater pocket and had go through the washer and dryer and now was consequently all over my maternity clothes.  Dear Dave:  As discussed please don't do laundry, that is my job. I don't go to your place of business and weld stuff.

However as pregnant as I'm feeling right now I just got to remind myself:  At least I'm not Jessica Simpson.  Seriously, we're due around the same time and I do not look half as pregnant as she does.  In fact, one of her boobs is the size of my baby bump.

UPDATE: Check out my belly bump progress here

Kill BOB (the stroller that is)

    I did it, it's finally happening-we are selling our BOB stroller.  With Baby #3 on its way, it is time to start thinking about buying a double stroller.  For the past year,  I have been completely dependent on my BOB stroller to get me places.  One blog entry would not be enough to outline my disdain for this stroller.
        We bought the BOB during the first few months of marriage.  It was back in our googly eyed days where we actually respected each others opinions.  We got the BOB because my husband thought it was cool.  Ladies, please let me give you a piece of advice-never let a man pick out a stroller.  They will pick one that is sleek, sexy and boasts to be the top of the line.  However chances are slim that they will actually use the stroller on a regular basis and will leave you cursing their name.  As with most things in life, sometimes the coolest, sexiest things in life are also the things with the most issues. 
That is the problem with BOB, it sucks you in with its coolness, in theory it has everything a trendy mom would want.  It has the image of a healthy fit Vancouverite with a well behaved happy baby in tow.  In the first week of actually using it, I quickly discovered its flaws.  I found this facebook entry:

"Dear BOB Stroller:  You are the bane of my existence.  I cannot wait to sell you for beer money or even better-throw gas and a lit match at you and laugh insanely as I watch you burn to your ill designed frame.  Seriously you may have convinced the whole world you are a wonderful stroller but I am onto you."

Obviously I wrote this on a good day of using it.  First of all I called it "dear".  Second of all I would never light it on fire, it was forged in stroller hell, fire wouldn't scratch it.  Lastly, anyone with any knowledge of strollers wouldn't give you enough money for it to be able to buy beer.
Why would I hate this stroller so much? Let me just compile a brief list:

1. The suspension is too bouncy: It creates a real mosh pit feel, the exact thing you want your child with no neck control to experience.
2. It's a beast:  It's like using a semi trailer to transport an egg.  It will not fit down any grocery aisle without knocking things off the shelf.  Multiple times at Winners it has pulled an entire rack of clothing down.
3. Has a tenancy to randomly tip or flip over if any sort of weight is applied the wrong way.  It would be better suited as a catapult.  My mom rested Lily on the handle bar for a moment and the whole thing flipped.  Luckily my mom caught Lily upside down by the diaper.
4. Will roll if left for a moment.  Prefers to roll backwards into the middle of the nearest and busiest street.
5. Its hammock style seat is perfect for molding young spines into a desirable Quasimodo hunchback.
6. It has no storage space, I can't fit even a jug of milk or a couple of 26ers.
7. The beverage holder is fabric.  Combine this with the bouncy suspension and coffee drips out of your Tim Hortons drink and onto your child's head.
8. The rain cover requires an advance engineering degree in order to figure out how to apply correctly.  If you're just an arts major like me there is always a gap that will funnel water directly on your child's head.

Alternatively this stroller would be better to be used as towel rack to dry clothes.        However I guess it is not all that bad.  The stroller is pretty good at hitting teenagers that are in your way or giving old ladies who are walking too slowly a gentle push.  It is also very easy to push with one hand while eating a giant subway sandwich, and trust me as a pregnant women I'm always walking and eating a giant sandwich.
Anyways I will be glad once the BOB is gone.  Oh, BTW, if you saw my ad on Craig's List and are interested in buying it, it is a great stroller and you will be very happy with it.  $300 OBO.

What's in a name?

With only two months left in my pregnancy, Dave and I decided we should start talking about baby names.
The name game can be a daunting task and some people tend to over think it.  I mean I guess it is pretty important, whatever name you pick will decide whether your kid is popular or is a social pariah, a doctor or a bum, a serial killer or a well adjusted member of society, you get my drift?.  Dave and I have never put much thought into our kid's name, we usually pick the least offensive name that we both can agree on .  However I do have a few simple rules which I will outline for you:

Don't do this to your child.

• It is a common name:  There was a trend a few years back to try to make your child's name as unique as possible.  It stemmed from some hippy movement (because hippies are the source of all movements I do not understand) that a child will not have its own identity if it had a name like everyone else.  In response people would combine names or smash their heads on their keyboard and pick whatever came up on the screen.  Millions of teachers screamed in anguish at trying to figure out how to pronounce little Xzuiuvk during role call.  I am married to a David, and it has got to be one of the most common names in the world, there's millions of them and I have never once heard Dave complain about his name or say it has held him back in anyway.  I on the other hand have a less common name, yes I met a few Kalis in my day but they were all dogs-literally-of the white poodle variety (maybe that's why I love the 80's perms).  Sometimes it gets annoying trying to correct people on what to call you.  BTW so what if there are 10 Jason's in your child's class?, Apple sold 37million IPhones last year, are you going to walk around with a Nokia to be edgy?
• Don't mess up the spelling:  Related to the top rule.  A trend probably resulting from parents realizing that with billions of people on the planet there is a chance that someone may still have the same name regardless of how many times you smashed your head on the keyboard (probably stemming from Hipsters, once the hippies grew a little older they grew a little common sense).  However, they didn't want their kid to be one out of 4 Ashleys so they thought they would take a common name and spell it different.  For example, take the name Jackson and maybe throw in a few Xs for good measure, its pronounced Jessica but the two Ks highlight her individuality!  Take it from someone who has an uniquely spelled name. The novelty wears off when you're constantly trying to explain to people how it is actually pronounced.  Like you probably have been calling this "Cal-Lee's" Blog not "Kay-Lee's" Blog haven't you?  HAVEN'T YOU?  Anyways you will not be earning yourself brownie points for originality from your kid, just a guarantee of spending your senior years in a crooked old age home.
• Long Name: This is not a hold fast rule but more of a preference.  I love long names.  That way you can let your child know exactly how much trouble they are in by how much of the name you use.  This includes a few middle names to boot.  Both Dave and I have two middle names each and for our wedding announcement you couldn't tell if two people were getting married or four.
• Able to Shorten Name:  I think we have established in previous blogs that I am lazy.  Which brings us to the next point, I must be able to shorten their given name.  For example Lily is Lil, why waste breath on unnecessary syllables? (unless they are really in trouble).  Also by the time you use a toddler's full name, they have already hit the cat, eaten cat food and is ready to reek havoc on the Iphone.
• Doesn't start with a "R":  I have a lisp, I say my R's as W's.  Why torture myself?  For example I love the name Rose but I don't want to explain to people I am not messed up and called my child Woes.
• Think about the future: Never call your daughter Ivana or Ima.  You never know who they are going to marry and what last name they will take.  We've all seen Austin Powers and the female spies have names like "Ivana Humpalot" and really? Do you want to do that to your child?
• Meaning, Meaning: Just because a name sounds good shouldn't mean you should ignore the meaning behind it.  Take my name, my mom picked it because it meant love and was Scot-Gaelic word for party.  Pretty harmless right? Well the spelling she chose just happened to be a cool but fearsome Hindu goddess of destruction.  It's fine if you're a house wife in suburbia Maple Ridge.  However if you work in an IT department that deals with people in Bangalore (which I did) it can be a bit embarrassing.  I bet you every time I called them with a technical issue, someone would laugh and say "ooohhh the goddess of death and destruction has locked herself outta Windows again".
• Resist the temptation to be a jackass:  What give you a chuckle today may turn your child into an axe-murder tomorrow.  I love the names Megatron McRoberts or Roberts McRoberts but a little self-control goes a long way.

Butterscotch Tears

  Well it is finally time.  Time for my gestational diabetes test.  I've been putting it off for a week now but I realise that I have to go in and get it over with soon.  When my doctor wrote me up the lab request it was like the hammer falling-*boom* playtime over. My mom tells me to be positive, maybe I WON'T have it this time around, what I don't tell her is how I had chocolate chips for breakfast, and those chocolate covered macadamia nuts?  Dave didn't eat the whole box..I did.  Truth be told, I do not need to take a test, they do not have to take a sample, I can tell them the answer they need to know.  In fact I'm pretty sure if they tried to draw blood, they would draw buttercream icing instead.  How do I know for sure? I was there for Christmas, I saw the candy carnage.  Let's just say when I exercise my sweat smells like gingerbread cookies.  Next year Santa will be sitting on MY lap telling me what HE wants for Christmas.  I am armed with a sweet tooth and ready to use it.
  The worst thing about gestational diabetes is the diet.  First of all the fridge is my siren and pantry is the jagged rocks I crash on.  I enjoy eating, its sorta my hobby.  Not only this but the diabetic diet makes no sense.  I have been on many diets in my lifetime and most focus on calories in, calories out and eat less and exercise more and you'll lose weight.  The diabetic diet is all about carbs and sugar and you know what? Everything has carbs and sugar and sometimes the go-to-healthy foods have the most in it!  I can put butter on my whole plate of pork chops and be fine but heaven forbid I have a whole banana or more then 12 grapes.
  The second issue is that I live with a man, my husband.  Like most men he will revolt if there is nothing but healthy "diet" food in the house.  The problem is that he brings it home, puts it in his designated candy dish and promptly forgets about it.  Unfortunately I have a photographic memory when it comes to sweets and I remember every little shred of junk food that is in that dish and very slowly I start eating it.  After Christmas was done I had to put our candy dish in front of him and make him finish it after my pants attempted to garrote me.  Dave doesn't understand why a mars bar and I cannot co-exist in the same house but that would be like putting a lion and a zebra in a 900 square foot apartment and tell them to behave-not going to happen.
   I could go into the other downsides of gestational diabetes like jabbing yourself with needles but really if I could choose between chocolate and needles? Jab away! So wish me luck, if I do test positive again I will guarantee that I will cry sweet butterscotch tears of sorrow but on the flip side body parts other then my stomach will thank me when I'm not delivering a 20lbs baby.