Date Night

Enjoying a drink but still thinking about my kids: not because I miss them but because I'm worried about the revenge they will have on me for not including them

Dave amd I got to do something last night we don't often get the opportunity to do: spend some time away from the kids.  Actually it's something I don't get to do often, Dave gets an 8 hour break everyday when he goes to something called work.  Anyways we had a date night, four blissful hours where I didn't have to play name that liquid on my shirt (hint:  the answer is almost always pee).  We were invited to an grown up function with grown ups at an grown up restaurant which didn't have tablecloths you could write on.
  Date nights are always risky business.  I mean they usually happen at the end of the week so we're walking the thin line between date night and fight club. 
 Before the date night can even begin there are certain hurtles that one must get through:

• Getting Ready:  Date night often comes with a dress code and men and women often have different ideas in regard to it.   I don't think I'm the only woman who can attest that their husband almost never wants to dress up.  They'd rather show up in sweats-actually if it was socially acceptable they'd probaly go out to dinner in their underwear.  Me on the other hand would prefer to wear something fancy.  This is because I don't get out often and when I do I'm usually in yoga pants that while have never have seen the gym are still quite good at stretching-around my butt of course!  Once you come to an agreement on the dress code dilemma that excludes any awkward incidents of showing up to the restaurant with you in a ballgown and your husband in cut off shorts, one must execute the act of actually getting dressed.  Trying to find something to wear is often a feat in itself.  For me I have to create an outfit using articles that have no stains on them and is not a throw back to the era before you had kids since that was around the same time you stopped buying clothes or buying them at the same place you buy your produce.  Lets not forget the toddler who is running around and the baby screaming because heaven forbid he hasn't eaten in 5minutes.  My carpet is nicely painted with my MAC eyeshadow.  Also as I was curling my hair Lily was rolling Joe down the hallway..
• Next comes the complement: Let's face it the chances of the husband getting this correct is slim to none.  In fact for the husband it's dead man walking because if he says the wrong word then date night ends early with him on the couch.  Dave has yet to mastered the simple phrase "your hair looks nice", apparently even in the face of mortal danger my husband cannot lie.  Lets give you the background story: I use to have long hair and Dave loved it.  After Joe came around I got tired of looking homeless since I barley could find the time to brush it let alone style it.  Fed up I choped it short and quite frankly I don't think Dave has forgiven me for that yet.  Anyways whle I love my short hair for the day-to-day life, I have diffculty making it look fancy.  There is only so much you can do with short hair so I'm always fishing for a complement.  The best Dave could give me last night? You look like Jamie Lee Curtis.  Really? That's the best you can do?  What's the first thing you think of when you hear her name? The bowel health yogurt. When someone asks you to name a hot actress would Jamie Lee Curtis be the first name that pops in your head?  He said from her True Lies days, okay one foot out of the grave except the fact she played a boring homely housewife.  Great, exactly the look I was going for.  I could have saved myself an hour of prep time and just went as myself.  So I told Dave he looked dashing-like Matlock.
• Finally, the kid drop off.  This is very important because you have to convince the unsuspecting grandparents that in fact your kids are not thugs.  This is an art form in itself since you have to make sure to drop them off when they're not cranky.  Of course it will be the one time when Lily actually wants to hang out with me.  The most important final step to this is turning off the cell phone, yes the restaurant is in a tunnel with no reception....

  When you finally get to your destination you feel a bit...lost.  In fact I saw something I don't usually: my bare forearm.  Infact I barley reconized it without a blankie, diaperbag or toddler drapped over it.  Once inside the restaurant, you have to relearn how to socialize at the grown up table.  It took a while to relax, with a toddler you learn to sleep with one eye open.  That and when you see someone reach across the table your kneejerk reaction is to grab any sharp cutlery away or try to stop the person from hitting the closest person because in the toddler world those are the first things you do when in a group situation.  You also don't want to talk too much about your kids either since you don't want to admit that you've become "one of those" even thought I clearly am.  However get a few drinks in me and I'm ready to jam out to the latest club track, which I'm assuming is still wheels on the bus.  Dave and I actually got to our function 30minuties early-so we had an opportunity to have some alone time.  This was spent trying to convince each other that we were still as fun and exciting as when we first met without admitting that it was 7pm and we were both ready for bed or that we were missing the latest antics of our reality shows.    
    Finally there comes the time when you have to reach that decision that it is time to go home.  It usually involves calculating when your parents have safely tucked the kids in bed.  So that was our excitement this weekend.  Seriously I barley remember life before kids, I'm assuming it's much like life before facebook-you use to go out a lot more often.