I woke up this morning with the full knowledge that today was going to suck. Why would I be so pessimistic at 7am (well beside the point optimism doesn't happen until the number on my clock ends in PM)? Simple-I had a dentist appointment-with a dentist-involving filling my teeth-from holes created by candy (apparently they add holes to your belt as well). Even for those cups half full people, I think they'd find it hard to spin getting cavities filled as a fun Friday activity. Anyways, any visit to the dentist isn't a good thing- I've turned that age where every time I go there's an issue. And today there was an issue, well two ones. Since the day was already a scratch I had candy for breakfast-thank you for not pointing out the fundamental flaw in this logic. After running through a list of things I'd rather do instead (including dragging my butt across hot coals-the same feeling I get after I eat at Boston Pizza) I put on my big girl pants and dragged myself there. Okay fine, technically it was my mom who did the dragging. Her only comforting words were "at least it's an hour without the kids". Seriously? Are my kids that bad...okay don't answer that question...
So whats the back story? Besides being a mentally well adjusted person who dislikes paying good money to have that awkward flossing conversation while someone puts instruments in your mouth while asking you questions, I am nervous around dentists. Scratch that- I am terrified CRAPLESS of dentists. Don't get me wrong, my dentist-he's a nice guy, I just think he's a little drill happy. I'm not sure where this fear came from, it's not like I've even had an incident where I was in a lot of pain. I think half of it is the sound and smell and the weird sensation that while you're numb you still feel things moving and pulling. I mean I have a pretty high threshold for pain. I gave birth 3 times with no pain killers whatsoever. But honestly it's a different kind of pain. When you deliver a baby you expect to get a healthy baby after so the pain has a purpose. The dentist? you're lucky if you get a plastic ring (I still remember the age when I got cut off from getting toys-tragic day). Most time you're lucky to get flavored fluoride rinse before they hand you a bill which may or may not involve trading in your first born.
So I get there and get ushered into the small examination room. My dentist's office remains a relic from the 1970s. I expect during one of my visits a tour group will walk by examining the history of dentistry. The first thing the dentist asks me is "what are we doing today?". This is sort of scary-I mean shouldn't he know this? I didn't nap through 3 years of dental school and really? if it was up to me I'd be going to McDonalds. So I gave him an honest answer-"I'm going to poo myself. I hope you have a better gameplan" The dentist finally clued in that this all might be easier if he gave me an ambien-a good idea since I flinch even when they spray water in my mouth-just in case it hurts. I took it and when he returned he asked how I was feeling to which my response was along the lines of "screw this cavity! lets hit a club". However there are no clubs open in Maple Ridge at 11am and I still have holes in my teeth. Anyways they leave me in the room with a mouthful of freezing and a drug that magically removes the amounts of cares I have to give. To make matters worse they turn on the ceiling TV. At this office they always have National Geographic show playing and SURPRISE this one was all about jumping spiders! So here I am in a small examination room, a little high and now watching jumping spiders on the ceiling in HD quality. Well I think it did the trick doctor, I forgot about my cavities for a moment. I ended up waiting in that small room for an hour. While I waited I got to enjoy the best magazines and celebrity gossip from the early 90s. Naw, I'm only joking there were a few that talked about Russel Brand and Katy Perry's upcomming wedding. Anyways I'd see ads for TV shows and get interested until I discovered they were already cancelled years ago.
So finally after an hour the dentist comes in and by that time I've worked myself into believing he's going to remove all my teeth. He comes in and in under 20minutes he's done. All the while I'm listening to him complain that he hired a mechanic to fix the dental chairs and they're telling him to replace them. Umm... these chairs looked old in the 70s, maybe the guy has a point? Watch, next time I'll be lying on lawn chairs.
Anyways I survived and don't have to go back until April. However my bottom teeth on the other side are having sympathy pain.
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