Safety and Starfleet

 The following entry is a possible submission sample for a science fiction blog.  I'm still debating on submitting it.

I was doing my usual nightly routine of eating Ritz Sandwiches and watching Star Trek, because, honestly, when you have kids that is what your life gets reduced to.  Not that I'm complaining, without children I would be doing the same thing except I wouldn't have to pause the PVR every two minutes to make sure the kids aren't sticking anything into electrical outlets-we kind of let them run feral...However, my two year old can tell the difference between a Romulan and a Vulcan, so I consider my job as a parent complete.

Anyways, we have been watching a lot of Star Trek TNG and Voyager since that is what the Space Channel is playing (and NO we don't have Netflixs because we live like cavemen).  We started to notice a pattern, of the 'Safety First' variety.

Does Starfleet not have a Workers Compensation Board or some sort of safety committee keeping a tab on them?  Do Safety regulations and fines not exist in the future? I'm seriously starting to doubt if they have any safety protocol in place at all.  If the WCB that we have in Canada was alive and kicking in the 23rd century, they would be having a field day.  Maybe they still exist in the future but are too busy chasing after roofers to put on safety harnesses to bother with the star fleet, but has anyone stopped and thought maybe there is a reason why ensigns with no name tags are always in such high demand?

For those not aware, Workers Compensation board sets up safety regulations in order to reduce workplace injury, create a healthy and safe environment and to protect those injured while at work.  A lot of the practices on the Enterprise would not meet up to present day standards.
First, let's look at The Bridge:  there is always at least one officer standing.  Take Worf for example-the Chief Security Officer is standing at his station, they don't even provide him with a swivel chair! I've seen some grocery stores where the cashiers get swivel chairs.  Maybe they have a better union?  I'm not sure about you, but if I was in a battle the last thing I would want is the person in charge of lasers and shields to be ass over feet.  Also, have you seen the size of Worf's cranium? Would you really want to risk that flying into the back of your head at warp speed?

It seems like in every episode at least one person is getting thrown around on the bridge whether regular, guest star or doomed ensign.  In "Evolution", Dr. Stubbs takes a piece of furniture in the face when the ship is rocked by an explosion.  Why wouldn't there be some regulation that everyone has to sit at their post during turbulence or at least strap Worf in with a safety harness?  There is also a clear lack of seat belts, not only just on the bridge, but in engineering.  You'd think a starship's "Red Alert" would be akin to an airplane's "Fasten Seatbelts")  (maybe they have the same logic as being on a bus-why do you need something to strap you in when there are 30 people in front of you to break your fall?).

Don't get me started on Wesley Crusher, I had to wait until I was 16 to drive my parents' shaky old K-Car.  He gets to drive a galaxy class space ship with a crew of 1,000 and no one bats an eye.



Now the uniforms, I have never understood them.  Maybe I missed the episode where they explained it but, from what I understand, there is nothing special about them.  I'm not sure about the rest of the Trekkie community, but in my household this is a hotly debated topic usually sparked by any episode involving an away team.  You would think that with all the technology in the Star Trek Universe, they would have wonder-suits.  Maybe it's because I don't have HDTV, but from my end it looks like they are made from pretty standard material.  Not only that, but they can't be comfortable-I have invented a drinking game:  drink every time Riker has to adjust his uniform.  Don't even get me started on how skin-tight they are, many-a-time I have been hypnotized by their moobs bouncing up and down during a corridor walking scene.

On Away Missions, I've always thought that they should be wearing a HAZMAT suit or at least gloves.  I remember when I was a Vulcan for Halloween one year, my mom made me wear a jacket under (yes UNDER) my Star Trek pajamas-apparently the officers have more faith in their uniforms shielding them from the elements than my mom did.

Back on topic, how come they aren't better equipped?  Yes, you can roll your eyes at me and tell me they have sensors and tricorders to warn them but I have seen enough episodes where their sensors have failed to pick up the giant hole in the middle of the path.  For example, in "Shades of Grey", Riker got stung by a thorn and almost died.  He was wearing his standard shoes while wading through a bog-why the heck wasn't he wearing hip waders?  You couldn't pay me to walk through alien sludge without a few inches of heavy duty plastic protecting me.  Also, look at the Voyager episode "Parturition".  Here they are going to some alien planet where they know the atmosphere is an extreme skin irritant and they are not even wearing HAZMAT suits.  You'd think they'd pack a space suit or some head gear just in case something happens, like they crash (spoiler alert-they do!).

Besides the uniforms, it has also amazed me how unprepared they are when they beam down.  Here they are in some foreign world in some sketchy situation and they don't even have an emergency backpack with food rations and a fresh change of underwear.  Hasn't anyone ever asked "Hey what if we get stranded here? Shouldn't we at least bring some snacks so we wouldn't have to resort to eating Ensign Whatshisname on the first day?"

Shall we also look into the number of times someone has escaped via transporter or shuttle craft?  Take "Deja Q," when Q takes a shuttle craft to lead the Calamarain away from the Enterprise, he was already in the shuttle and half way from the ship before Worf noticed.  I can't even get through airport security in under an hour, yet someone who is not even a crew member can stroll into a shuttle dock and jack a shuttle?  I don't think I could even hotwire a car that fast.  Also look at "The Bonding".  How many times did the aliens try to take Jeremy to a transporter room before somebody clued in to shut it down.   Either there is a serious lack of safety protocols, or maybe Worf drinks on the job?

Anyways, with Riker consistently pulling down his uniform, Worf's cranium bashing into things and people taking shuttle crafts for pleasure rides, the safety infractions are plentiful.  If anyone wanted to make some money in the 23rd century, they should get a contract with Starfleet, offer safety inspections and start handing out those fines.

Why hasn't a Ferengi thought of this yet.