Why would I waste my time with such a show? Well I sorta hoped I'd recognize someone. I mean I don't live in Vancouver but I live in the Vancouver area. Surely someone I know would be shining one of these ladies' shoes or dodging their Ferrari as they plow through a crosswalk. Turns out disappointingly I didn't recognize anyone, however if I ever decide to take the bus out west I know what restaurant windows to walk back and forth in front of.
My first impression of the show was that rich people all look the same. Seriously I really had trouble telling all the ladies apart from each other. The other thought that popped in my mind was that Vancouver lacks talented plastic surgeons. Seriously I couldn't stop looking at the bad cheek fillers and botox jobs on all of them. I think I'd rather take my chances with one of those bargain Mexico resort and plastic surgery packages before I go locally. They all looked like they got punched in the face-not a good look. There was a 30 year old who seriously looked like a 50 year old trying to pass off as a 30 year old. Don't get me started on Jody's busted up hair weave...it made Britney Spears' weave look well groomed and maintained! Whenever she showed up on the screen I would yell "brush your damn hair! a hairbrush costs $5.00!". Vancouver, Vancouver, what the hell happened? I thought you were Hollywood North? I'm from red neck Maple Ridge and I'm laughing at you. Seriously I left the house in jeggings with a hole in the butt, my favorite stained shirt and runners and honestly I felt more put together.
My daily life is nothing compared to what I saw on T.V. The biggest cat-fight I've had lately was with my actual cat Shadow. Seriously, if that cat steals my pillow after defiling his litter box one more time he's going to spend the night on the patio. I have a stretch vehicle with a driver but I share it with 40 other people and it's called the 701 and is technically owned by Translink. My luggage is not Louis Vuitton but the plastic bags you get from Save-On-Foods. I went to my bank to deposit some money rolls but it was literally rolls of pennies-$45 worth-a major step in our saving plan for Lily's university fund. My clothes are picked out by Joe but he's not my personal shopper but rather the clothing line from Superstore. For a treat Dave and I went to an actual restaurant that didn't feature a play place and a hamburger selling clown but Pizza hut (which has pictures of their food on their menu which according to Gordon Ramsey is a sure sign of a bad restaurant). You know what? I'm perfectly okay with that.
You see, I'm a real housewife from Maple Ridge. We don't have that pressure to look good and act high class. If I want to go out in public in my rugby jogging pants (that look like it says ruby when I walk) and a pair of crocs that's totally okay. If I run into someone I know dressed up like that I don't have to worry about hearing it in the high society pages. I love that I can serve pizza for dinner and claim it counts as a vegetable because of the tomato sauce and have nobody question or raise an eyebrow. Since I don't wear designer clothes I don't have to worry about maintaining a size zero. Most importantly I love how I can sit at home in my PJs and not worry about hitting the new club and if I miss going out I will be replaced by someone who is younger and hungrier (literally because all they eat is lettuce) taking my place in my social circle. My friends don't care that I fit better in a trailer park then Park avenue and it's very refreshing. Sure it's not as glamorous and I'm pretty sure there won't be a camera crew banging on my door to tape it-well unless it's the channel six news wanting me to comment about the meth lab explosion across the street.
Now if you excuse me I have to pretend to push a broom around the house and shuffle the dirt around.
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