So Dave is half way through his 80hour work week. Just 4 more nights to go and frankly I'm not sure if he's going to make it.
My husband gets home around 8:30am and then tries to stay up until noon, then he'll try to sleep until 7:30PM. This means the time we get to see him is at the end of his day and he is exhausted both mentally and physically (he works in a trade, I'm not sure exactly what he does but it involves lifting heavy objects). Combine that with the fact that I usually end up dragging him on boring domestic errands or try to engage him in conversations of what I did the day before (nothing!), what the cat did (throw up on the carpet!) and what I found on-top of the bookcase (cat puke-I know right?). Basically any mental function the guy had when he walked in that door walked back out when I attack him with verbal diarrhea and request him to drive me around town to pick up coffee.
They say night shifts can be hard on the body. Also sleep deprivation can have the same effect on the brain as alcohol can. According to an article by the American Pyscological Association that I just skimmed over for a quote that proved my point, they say:
"That resulting crankiness and warped perspective can interfere with one’s ability to make sound decisions and manage people effectively, and can increase the frequency of negative encounters."What they don't say is that it also makes for some funny stuff as well as a possible blog entry. As the week progresses I watch my husband go from bright, to functional, to just plain dumb. You combine the sleep deprived shift worked with the attention deprived, highly pregnant housewife and yup, you can say you might get some "negative encounters" and not in the *wink wink nudge nudge* way. So without further ado, I bring to you the below list. Please enjoy because when my husband finally gets around to reading my blog he'll probably make me take it down.
Dumb Stuff My husband has done after a night shift:
- I was gone for literally 5mins, I walk into the living room and Dave is on the computer and Lily is no where in sight. I assumed that Dave put her down for a nap. Wrong. She was in the kitchen eating cat food. Dave said he thought it was the cat rattling the dish. I pointed out the cat is asleep in his lap. Now if you ask Dave he will tell you it didn't go exactly like this. So fine, I asked him where Lily was and he bolted up and ran about the apartment and finally to the cat dish where she was gorging herself on the finest cat food $10 can buy. He than told me he thought that the rattling noise was from the cat which was in his lap and he was holding while running around. Yes Dave, that sounds so much better...
- If you are my Facebook friend or have read previous blogs, I am obsessed with winning on "Roll up the Rim to Win". As of last night I was still 0/11. I finally broke that losing streak today. I won a doughnut on my 12th drink. I was so overcome with joy that I showed Dave and did my little happy dance. I stored the cup on the stroller handle for safe keeping. Now before you applaud, Dave and I walked by a garbage can and Dave (thinking it was his cup) threw out my cup before I had a chance to protest. This? Of all times he decides to clean up a mess? In all fairness to Dave he did offer to reach in the trash can to retrieve the cup but we were at Wal-Mart and I didn't think a nasty case of hand herpes (or whatever else lurks in their garbage can) was worth a free doughnut. Even that's a gamble I wouldn't take.
- Speaking of Wal-Mart, we were there today and stopped by the Tim Hortons so I could get a coffee (so pretty much related to above). I was standing by Lily eating, okay fine-cramming a doughnut into my mouth. Dave looks at me and says "hey I should take a picture of you for the people of Wal-Mart!" har-har. I wasn't the one concerned about wearing what shirt to wear to the store- apparently looking good in Wal-Mart is now a concern of his.
- I was putting Lily in her crib for her nap. We have her crib mattress lowered so she doesn't try to do an impersonation of a lemming. I was bent over (always a flattering pose for someone in my state) and I hear laughing in the other room. Dave comes over with the video baby monitor in tow chuckling "you should see this!" He tells me to do what I was doing again and flashes me the screen as I bend over. Wouldn't you know it, on the screen my enormous butt takes up the whole screen(I guess I was standing directly in front of the camera). Now ladies...men...if you have ever known a pregnant woman, lived with a pregnant woman especially during the fat stages of pregnancy you know that this is just plain dumb. It is dumber to point out a pregnant lady's ass size then to jump in the lion's pen wearing a meat thong.
- Dave was watching T.V. Lily crawled right up beside him and going unnoticed grabbed his lukewarm tea that was on the coffee table beside him. She then proceeded to dump the entire cup onto our white carpet-and stared at Dave-with the cup still flipped upside down in her hand-and stared-and coughed. After a few minutes Dave realized the situation.
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