8days On, 6 Days off

Today is our Monday. Dave just started night one of eight 10hour night shifts. For 8days we are on opposite schedules-when I'm up he's sleeping and when he's up I'm sleeping. The plus side is that after he is done his 80 hours, he then gets 6 days off. I call it missing each other for eight days, driving each other crazy for six. In some way I feel sorry for him, he works his butt off at work and when he comes home he's my bitch for the next six days. I think he was honestly relieved to go to work tonight just to avoid another domestic errand. We lose the first day and the last day due to re-syncing. Him his sleep schedule and me my nagging and complaining schedule.
Here's a few examples how Dave "relaxes" on his days off:

• Day one: Since Dave was re-syncing his sleep cycle for days he didn't go to bed after getting home. I waited until he was up for over 20 hours and then I dragged him to Baby's world to get our new stroller. I know resorting to sleep deprivation to get the expensive stroller (with all the add-ons) I want is a form of duress and taking advantage of the guy but...I won, I Won, I WON!!
• Drive to Surrey for a special rain cover for the new stroller. Baby's world had the cover on back order and it would take 4-6weeks to get here. I thought that would be okay. For some reason it didn't occur to me that we live in Vancouver and it's the rainy season.
• Made him go grocery shopping. First Save-on-Foods but then Superstore after I realized that Save-on didn't have "birthday cake flavored Oreos". They are limited addition, I don't want to go through the rest of my life with regret because I never tried them!
• Made him hang a whole bunch of pictures, take them down and then rehang them until they were perfect. I then made him go through all 1000 of our wedding photos so that we could print out 6 of them for our family college.

Did I mention his days off also required him driving me to Tim Horton's multiple times so I could play "roll up the rim to win". In case you are wondering I still haven't won, I'm now down 0/10!! But seriously, we were a Maple Ridge version of Driving Miss Daisy. Guess that's the price you pay when you buy a vehicle your wife can't drive. He's now back to work and of course the rain has started on again and is suppose to continue for the whole week. Which means getting drenched trying to get from point A to B or risk cabin fever.

For all I annoyed Dave with my constant nagging and dragging around town, he was equally demanding-and I don't mean in the *wink wink* *nudge nudge* way. If you are a married woman you know what I mean. Man at home=double the work load. I actually had to cook-not just pull some frozen leftovers out of the freezer for him to reheat. I was required to provide him with at least 2 hot meals and not the leftovers and lunches of lovely crafted PB and Jelly sandwiches (I make enough for the week and freeze). The dishwasher was ran at least once, sometimes twice a day-and those dishes don't crawl back into the cupboards themselves plus they don't even make it to the dishwasher themselves-I always find a collection on the coffee table. I actually had to do housework so that Dave is still under the impression that I do stuff while I'm at home. Oh and showering and being dressed before noon. At least I have 8days to catch up on my daytime TV now.

Husband at Home=more housework

So today, just like anybody's Monday, started off painfully. Around midnight we heard a thumping and crashing sound coming from the baby monitor. At first we dismissed it and then it happened again and we realized that we haven't seen the cat all night. We peered inside the bedroom and called him softly as to not wake the baby. We then realized he was in the closet. Dave was getting his tools earlier (the closet in Lily's room is actually the man closet-filled with Dave's tools, music stuff and sports crap) and I guess the cat snuck in while we weren't looking. We carefully opened the door only to have half its contents come crashing down on us. Lily bolted up for a second and then laid back down, something the cat should be thanking her for since if he woke her up completely he would have been a patio cat for the night. Lily started screaming like a banshee at 3am for no apparent reason, I guess it was just a test of the emergency broadcast system. Luckily because Dave was up all night re-syncing his sleep schedule he actually had to deal with her. We took Lily for her baby rabies shot (or whatever they vaccinate for these days). It required 5 separate needles. I almost felt bad until I remembered that she woke me up at 3am today and the feeling was short lived. Did I mention that the nurse thinks I'm a total a-hole because I laughed while they were jabbing her? (it's a nervous habit I swear). After she was done they informed me that I was due for two of my own shots-the laughing stopped. When I got them done however they didn't hurt, I don't understand why she was acting like such a baby. Seriously she was screeching so loud then when we walked back into the reception area everyone was staring at us.
Anyways I have 8 days to compose my next "honey-do list". Until the next 6 days McRoberts.....I'll be waiting.

Finally let the poor guy relax and watch some TV, until next week McRoberts....

People of Craig's List

     At the start of this month I started to make an effort to sell my BOB stroller. By effort, I mean I posted my ad and then never bothered to reply to most of the emails.  That is until yesterday.  As you have read in previous posts, we purchased a Phil and Ted stroller two days ago and were starting to keep a collection of strollers in our stroller heap/dining room area.  For people that know me well, this was enough of a kick in the butt to sell the BOB.  I am way to much of a neat freak to be able to handle having two BAS in our small apartment (that and the whole money situation).  Anyways I started replying to emails to see if I could sell our stroller with full knowledge that with our luck all the many offers we were getting would be swallowed up by the earth never to reappear again. I was half way through writing this blog today when our luck changed and we actually got a serious buyer who bought our BOB.  So the first bit of this entry is mostly a rant in regards to the many responses I got via email and the last bit is about how we sold it, so hang on, there is a happy ending.  So here is my adventures on Craig's list: Selling (The good), The Ad (The Bad) and the email responses (The ugly).
  The Ad (The Bad):   The biggest beef I have with Craig's List is people who try to sell their items and expect you to pay near original ticket price and thank them for the pleasure of being saved a few bucks.  If you need evidence just look at prom dresses.  They'll say they spent $800 but they are asking for *only* $750 because it's practically new and they wore it one night and oh boy what a deal you're getting.  Then as you scroll down, they'll list the various tears and stains on said dress.  The stroller selling business is pretty much the same, people would be trying to sell you a busted metal frame and still have the nerve to ask for $500.  I decided I did not want to be one of these people so I priced mine reasonable by looking up my stroller on Craig's list to see what they were selling for and low balling everyone else's ads.  How do I know my price was reasonable? By the fact that I got at least 2 emails a day in regards to the stroller.  However the responses were very alarming.  I could not believe the offers and questions I was getting.  Someone mentioned that maybe the low price was attracting the cheapskates or giving the assumption that something was wrong with the buggy.  Below is the copy of the ad.  In case you are wondering I mentioned my son since even thought I bought my stroller in 2009 it only had one year of use on it.

Please tell me where it says"sucker". See below for text (1.)

 People who regularly deal with Craig's list...please tell me where I went wrong. 

The Responses (The Ugly):  This brings me to my original rant.  After reading and replying to over 20 emails I started to notice a few trends.  I found the following people:

• Low Ballers:  The biggest group, these people love the challenge of coming up with ridiculously low offers:  I was surprised they didn't try to convince me to pay them money for the pleasure of removing my stroller from my house for me.  Some of them wouldn't even give a price they would just ask what's the lowest I'd go or how low everyone else was bidding.  I suspect a lot of these people pay in pennies at McDonald's or are last-call lurkers at night clubs.  The lowest bid I got was $50.  Please keep in mind this stroller was in pretty good shape and we paid almost $800 originally.  I learned the hard way that flexible is not a good term when posting an ad.  People are going to barter with price regardless and flexible is another word for "I'm desperate and a push-over".  What I meant when I posted the price was that I'd knock off $25-50 if it meant getting it out of my living room.  People  however took this as "I'll knock $100-200 off the price and throw in half my household goods".  It was like I was trying to tell them I could do the splits and they were hearing that I was a former Cirq Du Soeil acrobat and could stick my head up my own butt.
• "It's a good trade!" Person:  When I first posted I thought I was brilliant in asking for a trade.  I wouldn't have minded a second hand stroller if it was in a similar condition (or even trading and paying the difference).  Brand new, the Phil and Ted is only $50-$100 more than the BOB (before the seat add on) so they are comparable.  What I didn't expect is what people would try to trade me.  I mostly got offers for stuff that people hadn't had time to go to the dump to dispose of.  I have a collection of battered strollers that are nothing more than a metal frame with skid marks on the fabric. These people had no shame in their emails as well-I guess if I was blind and fell for it they would not only get a wicked deal but get to bypass a trip to the dump or Sally Ann.   My favorite trade offer was a 4year old Phil and Ted Stroller with rips and stains and a busted wheel.  I guess they thought wheels were overrated-you get a better workout without them.  Please keep in mind my BOB was in good condition (Read: Owned by Type A anal person).
• "I have no interest in your ad or stroller but I had to email you my opinion" person:  These people are the judge, jury and executioners of the internet.  They take it upon themselves as their duty to let you know they are not interested in what you are selling and then list why.  Most people would just move on if an ad was unreasonable or if they weren't interested, these people have to let you know you're an inconsiderate a-hole with nothing better to do then try to rip people off.  I wonder if they think they're Batman and cruise Craig's List thinking they're doing the public a service.  PS-Anyone who is buying a major purchase (ie lurxery stroller over $200) is smart enough to do research and knows their prices.  Plus just because I don't want to sell my stroller for $50 doesn't make me inconsiderate, knocking $300 for second hand is fair in my mind.
• "I have a million questions, a million photo requests but I'm not entirely serious" person:  These people fill your inbox with questions about your stroller but instead of asking them all at once they prefer to send them one at a time.  It's like a game show where if you answer correctly you proceed to the next round of questioning.  Someone actually wanted me to describe how bent the basket was-I don't know it's just bent, should I get my protractor out to measure the angle?  They also want a million photos of every angle but won't commit to actually seeing the stroller in person.  They want one with the rain cover, without, with the adapter, without.  I'm sorry but I don't have time to host a model shoot for Stroller Illustrated thankyouverymuch.  If you do satiate these people they most likely will send you a lengthy list of requests and demands and are famous for being "no shows" and then demand a discount because you wasted so much of their time.
• "Sob Story" People:  These people will try to give you a case of the sads so you'll take pity and knock the price down a few $100s.  It would work if you weren't say, I don't know....trying to buy a luxury stroller being sold at 1/4 of the original price.  It's like going to buy a Mercedes and complaining about how tight money is.  If you're that hard up, you'd be bartering for a 1981 Toyota, and then I'd be a bit more accommodating and sympathetic.  Also I know for a fact you can buy a brand new stroller that is decent but without the bells and whistles for under the price of a second hand BOB so if money's tight I don't think the BOB would be your first choice.  Plus I bought my stroller, than a few months later my son passed away (never left the NCIU) so never used the stroller, then a week later my husband lost his job and then a month later found out we could have buried our son for free (instead of being charged 10grand) so needless to say I am a bit bitter and jaded.  If you are trying to pull on my heart strings you better have a better story then "money's tight".  It better involve a box full of puppies colliding with a box full of kitties and you spent all your money in donating wheelchairs and sponsoring puppy/kitty rehab.
• The Jerks:  These people take it to a new level.  I actually had a guy try to low ball me $100 because my stroller had the stigma of belonging to a "dead child".  Keep in mind this guy has a pregnant partner somewhere (or maybe he buys strollers to compete in an asshole derby) and I really hope one day he doesn't end up eating those words.  Too bad the stigma of being a jerk is more noticeable then any stigma attached to a stroller.

The Buyers (The good):  So with all of above, I was nervous meeting up with people face to face.  Today I got an email saying that a couple was interested in buying next weekend.  I was going to respond to them but when I went to I noticed another person was asking about the stroller.  I let them know I had a potential buyer interested and they were coming to see it next weekend but if they were interested I would sell it first come first serve (because you know how reliable buyers on Craig's List are).  Anyways they were here within the hour and I have to be honest, they were the nicest people ever.  They almost bought the stroller without even trying it out so I made them push Lily up and down the apartment hallway.  They paid cash and didn't even try to barter.  Thank you mysterious couple, you have restored my faith in humanity!

So there we have it.  A new chapter in our life is starting.  We are no longer BOB people but Phil and Ted people.  I hope the BOB's new owners enjoy their stroller because seriously, if I wasn't selling them stuff they would be candidates for BFFs. 

However when I was pushing the Phil and Ted today I noticed a squeaking, and a bumper pad came lose.  Here we go again to Baby's world to make sure we didn't buy a lemon...oy!

1. Orignal AD (I noticed it's small in picture):

2010 BOB Revolution Stroller-Want to Sell or Trade-$300
Wanting to sell our BOB Revolution stroller.  Bought in late 2009 for our son who we never got to take home.  Sat in storage for 11months and has been used for our daughter since Feb 2011.  Need to get a double stroller for our next child due to arrive in April.
About Stroller
*Expected Wear and Tear for a stroller used for a year-Storage basket bent but not broken
*Rubber tires
*Carseat Adapter, drink tray included
*Raincover included
*Beverage holder included
*Reliable stroller, thing is a beast but easy to push great for those who walk or jog
*Black and Tan
Flexible on price, if you have a Phil and Ted of similar value woud be interested in trading.  Would prefer to sell/trade in April

Roll Up the Rim to....Whine

Exciting times are upon us.  Yes it is "roll up the rim to win" at Tim Hortons.  Forget the current Lotto 649 Jackpot of $11 million, I want to win a free coffee or maybe a free doughnut and of course a free car would be swell.  "Roll up the Rim to win" is on the same level as McDonald's "monopoly"-it's like Christmas and my birthday are deep-fried and then dipped in chocolate. 
    I've spent the last week on my grind trying to win something, anything.  However fate is cruel and Lady Luck has been spitting in my coffee.  As of today I'm down zero to five.  That's correct, I've bought five coffees and haven't even won a free smile from the cashier that always looks like she's going to cut you if you ask for a coffee sleeve.  Apparently the chances of winning a prize is 1 in six.  So that must mean that my next coffee will surely come with a side order of free car...right? At this point in the game I would like it if just one of my coffees actually was made correctly to how I ordered it.  I would consider that a prize in itself.  Apparently asking for "two milk, one sugar" is being difficult.  The cashier looks at me either like I'm talking in a foreign language or shoots me a look like "Starbucks is down the street".  Instead I get a double double or cream or splenda.  If I decide I want a steeped tea instead I'm sure as hell getting a coffee.

This is the message that I've been subjected to all week long

             I'm not sure if it is just my luck or if Tim Horton's is just getting cheap with its prizes.  I remember a few years ago I would win almost every time.  Last year I won a muffin which is pretty much the dud prize.
  Anyways I was looking up the grand prizes and this year they're boasting "camping packages" which judging by the picture consists of a tent, a folding chair and a lantern..basically everything you need if you were to find yourself homeless and under a bridge.  To be honest I think I'll take the free muffin instead over that one (camping is not an activity I want to encourage in our household).  Online they are doing another version of the game that I will try once I figure out how to install flash on my computer.  The grand prize for that one is coffee for a year which sounds exciting until you read the fine print and it says $600 in gift cards.  Psssh not in my household.  That's coffee for the month. 
    If you happen to be a higher up at Tim Horton's and reading my blog, maybe throw this desperate housewife a few lucky winner cups her way. 

This would be truth in advertising at the one I go to

B.A.S meet S.A.A.

      As I last blogged, Dave and I were in the process of buying a Big ass stroller or B.A.S.  Okay fine, we were in the process of debating what B.A.S we were getting.  OKAY FINE, I was dictating what stroller we'd better be getting if he wanted to make it to 40 with all his original teeth.  Naturally, I won.  We got the deluxe model Phil and Ted in the color I wanted (which lucky for Dave was Candy Apple Green).  Seriously, this is a lesson for all those men out there.  If you are going to marry a woman with all the bells and whistles, expect all her accessories to require bells and whistles as well.  Our new stroller is now sitting beside our BOB in what was formally the dinning room area and now is affectionately re-named the "stroller heap".  Yes, we have two B.A.S. in our Small Ass Apartment (S.A.A.).

Our dining room AKA the stroller heap. 

        I have briefly touched on our apartment in former blogs.  Our apartment is a beautiful, newer, open plan dwelling and the least white trash thing about us.  The problem is, it is small at 900square feet.  Seriously, if you want to have a tour of it you just need to walk through the door, take two steps forward and turn 360 degrees and you have pretty much seen the whole thing.  It was small two people ago, so with two grown-ups, a toddler, a baby and a cat it is now tiny.  There is as much room in our apartment as there is room in my uterus. Actually scratch that, those buggers can really stretch.  There is as much room in our apartment as there is room in my jeggings- stretched to the max.  One more object in the apartment and the whole infrastructure will collapse and spill into the hallway.  At one time it almost housed four people.  It was back when Dave and I were dating.  He had a roommate who also had a girlfriend.  It was pure hell, you couldn't move two steps without bumping into something or someone.  Privacy? Forget about it!  Now we are approaching that number once again.  With three people, we'd each get 300sq feet.  However as you can imagine it is not fairly divided that way.  Dave and Lily take up at least 500square feet each-made possible through the magic of boxes and stacking and cramming (ie the spanx of the storage world).  With New Baby on its way, we will each have to give up 75square feet.  I have a feeling that by the end of this I will have a quarter closet to my name (or a shoe box labeled "sucker").  Not to mention I'm steadily getting bigger.  The other day all of us ended up in the kitchen at the same time and it was as much as a traffic jam as New York City in rush hour.
    So not only are we a potential candidate for "People Hoarders", we also have promise for the actual show "Hoarders".  We have a ton of stuff so our house seems to always be in a constant state of messiness.  Not only that but every thing we own is ill-fit for an apartment.  We have black leather couches that are massive- they are home sized and not apartment sized.  They came with the husband and are those ones from the Brick that every bachelor under the age of 25 seems to own. Because we lost our second room to Lily, we had to buy a huge computer cabinet that serves as a makeshift office.  Not only does that take up a chunk of our living room but also gives a cave like feel whenever you are at the computer, it's like you're in a corner during time out.  Did I mention Lily's room still has a piano taking up half of it?  I pretty much have to hold my breath and do the side way shuffle to get from one end of the apartment to the other.  My toes are bruised and dislocated from the combination of not being able to see them and a surplus of furniture that sticks out at weird angles.  
       I was watching "Selling New York" and they were looking at 800square feet apartments that were over 1.83millon dollars.  I couldn't believe that something that small would have such a hefty price tag, at least our apartment was cheap(ish).  Sure you're paying for location, I mean not many people would pick Maple Ridge over New York but it made me wonder....how on earth do you fit into an apartment that size?  No wonder why all the ladies on "Sex and the City" were so tiny.  If they put on 5lbs they wouldn't be able to squeeze into their skinny jeans OR their apartments.

Living room, you have to step OVER the couch to get to the TV or take your chances stubbing your toes on the coffee table.

B.A.T. Meet B.A.S.

If you thought the Big ass truck (or B.A.T.) saga was over, so had I....

     As you know I traded in my last piece of dignity for my husband's B.A.T.  You'd think he'd be over the moon and happy into conning his poor wife into such a purchase that he would let her have some peace.  I just assumed that once we got the B.A.T. he would stop talking about trucks, stop looking at trucks and stop pointing at trucks asking me if I liked that one (Spoiler alert: they all look the exact same!).  Unfortunately, no, because unlike the cheese, the B.A.T. does not stand alone.  I was informed a few weeks ago that the truck wasn't functional.  Wasn't functional?! What the hell does that mean?  Did the salesman tell you that if you planted the B.A.T. it would grow into a bean stalk? I was in it the other day, it got us from point A to B while releasing enough carbon to raise the world temperature a few Celsius-seems functional enough for me.  Apparently we needed a tono cover.  "Okay, Fine" I sighed, while thinking to myself, how much is this going to cost me?  $700-so when I told him in no uncertain terms that we were not sinking more money into this vehicle I got to witness a mantrum, which is like not unlike one of Lily's tantrums minus the cute and add a healthy dose of WTF.
      I made a deal, he can buy the stupid cover if he sells his Ford Ranger first and uses that money towards it.  I knew for a fact that if I let him buy the cover first, that truck would spend the remainder of the 2010's outside our apartment.  I never saw the man spring into action so fast.  It was on Craig's list and sold within 2weeks.  Did I mention I still have pictures that I have been bugging him to hang for over a month now?  Maybe I should tell him if he hangs all the pictures or at least changes all the burnt out light bulbs in the apartment he can buy a grill for the stupid thing (seriously this place is a man cave it's so dark, on second thought when it's dark in here no one can notice the size my butt has gotten.....).
     Now that his dream is complete, and I mean it better be complete otherwise I'll be completing the action of my foot into his groin, it's time to look at my main vehicle-a new stroller.  At first I was acting all sensible and looking at buying second hand until I realized, if my husband gets his dream truck, I should be getting my dream stroller.  If he gets a Big Ass Truck, I want a Big Ass Stroller (or B.A.S.).  You'd think there would be no debate, however he balked at the $500 asking price (did I mention it's still cheaper than a tono cover).  He wants to get the "thrifty model" because it's not that big of a deal, you don't need all the bells and whistles-Seriously? I'd like to see an all female jury convict me if I actually executed the thoughts going through my head at that moment.  I should have told him that if he bought me that model and I'll be removing the wheels off his truck (cuts down on gas mileage honey!!).  You see the man doesn't understand that I need a reliable stroller, especially since I do not have a car and he works nights.  I'm usually the one with deep pockets and short arms but I know that I use my BOB 1-2hours a day so going cheap is not an option.  For him the stroller is a novel thing he enjoys lugging in and out of the trunk and pushing around the mall once in a while.  For me, a stroller is my work truck and making me go cheap would be like him having to use an Yaris for work and side jobs.
    So anyways I'm looking at the Phil and Ted stroller and it is a B.A.S.  It's not as much as a beast as the BOB but it's pretty close.  I looked at the BOB double wide very briefly as a comparison point and if the Phil and Ted is the half ton Ford F150 XLT then the BOB dualie is the full ton.  Seriously I doubt it would even fit through our apartment door-see what my husband did to me?? I'm now speaking in tongues, truck tongues ACK!   I was reading the reviews and this man said that him and his wife were having a "minor miscommunication" and ended up backing over the folded up stroller with their car, and the stroller still worked after, I bet it broke the axles off their puny city car in the process.  Anyways like any work truck the stroller isn't functional without the accessories.  I need to sink in at least $200 on accessories to make the thing functional and a rain cover? is my tono cover.  So hunny, write me a check for $700 because mama needs a new big rig!  I need a stroller that I can use as a battering ram to move the elderly and the teenaged out of my way.  I need a basket that can carry a few 26ers.  When I go down the sidewalk, pedestrians better know to get out of my way because between them and the B.A.S., the B.A.S. will win.  When I cram that thing on the bus and take up an entire aisle and seat section, people should give me the side eye but dare not groan.  People should look at my B.A.S. and have no doubt, I rule the sidewalks and I am their queen! 
    But seriously I spent at least 30minutes laughing at the Phil and Ted website.  They are all so city looking and trendy, they're all wearing heels and parading around the boulevard.  They are having champagne lunches and their kids look oh so very happy and well behaved (they would never think about having a BM during dinner).  Except the thrifty model photos-the kid in that picture is wearing crocs and their slogan is "you could divide the two ply or reuse your tea bags to save money or you could buy the thrifty model" (I wish I was joking).  Yes crocs are very Maple Ridge (and VERY comfy), and two ply is a luxury (number 2's only!) and yes we do reuse our tea bags (heck I've been with the same tea bag for two years now..) but really is this what country parenting versus city parenting really is like?  Plus I'd like to point out that the thrifty model is still almost $400 and if you have that much for a stroller I highly doubt you're freaking out about your two ply rations.
In case you're wondering Dave did buy his tono cover and it wasn't $700-try $1000. Tricked again.  I am so getting the additional cup holders and colored liners on my B.A.S.

You will be mine, oh yes. You will be mine.

The kids look happy and are laughing because we just ran over your dog with our B.A.S.

Meatless Mondays and the search for healthy eating

   "No more with the frozen pizza".  These were words I uttered earlier this week.  I had reached my breaking limit, this was the third meal in a row.
    Back when we had a disposable income, we disposed most of it at Pango Pizza.  We ate pizza maybe 2 times a week.  I'm pretty sure the delivery driver thought we were housing the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" with the amount of pizza we bought.  When we cleaned up our financial act, we no longer could blow $48 an order on pizza eating contests so we switched over to frozen pizza.  At first I resisted, and very slowly, two then four ended up in our cart.  If it went on sale-even more. Sure I'd tell myself, only for rainy days.  Truth be told, it rains a lot in Vancouver.  A pizza has an average lifespan of an afternoon in our apartment.  If you put a gazelle in the lion's cage at the zoo it would have a better chance of surviving.  This week "Wild Mikes" went on sale at Save-On-Foods for half the price and I filled my cart up thinking, this will be perfect for when I don't feel like cooking.  Truth be told I don't feel like cooking as often as it rains in Vancouver...a lot. 
     Some may say pizza can be healthy, after all didn't American school systems rule pizza as a vegetable since it had 2tbles of tomato sauce on it?  Well when you live with a man like my husband the simple answer is no.  This isn't when you go out with your girlfriends and "order the thin crust with tons of vegetables then eat only two slices because you don't want to be judged on your gluttony", this is "the thick crust tons of pepperoni and cheese and why are we kidding ourselves? just cut the entire pizza into 2 slices so I don't have to get up more than once".  We always kid ourselves that we will have left overs for lunch, but it's amazingly simple to down an entire pizza.
     They say when you go into a long term relationship you gain weight.  Studies have shown that you are more comfortable with yourself, relax a bit at the gym and generally ditch the salad for steak.  We didn't need studies for that, I could have told you that living with a man and gaining weight is as sure of a correlation as the distance to the closest Tim Hortons and the circumference of my ass.  Since I've been married I've gained 80lbs(in all fairness that involves 3 pregnancies), and my eating habits are way different.  Also when you don't have to troll the clubs, the hot pants go to the back of the closet as well as your self dignity.  I'll take my sweat pants any day, plus didn't Flo Rider sing about "baggy sweat pants and reboks with the straps" as being sexy?  I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I still had a waist line, my relationship isn't helping it....
      You see I've tried to get our family to eat healthy, and when I had gestational diabetes with Lily, I was fairly successful.  When you've seen the disease in action it tends to scare you straight into the vegetable aisle.  Now that my pancreas has a clean bill of health I'm right back to the sugar aisle and making up for lost time (with a vengeance).  If you cut me open you'd find that I'm full of sugar and spice and everything nice.  I once tried to set up "Meatless Mondays" a few months ago but the gnashing of teeth and potential mutiny quickly killed the idea, plus we don't want to give Lily the impression that being vegan is cool.  We also started doing meal plans so that we would resist the temptation to use processed foods, but with Dave on nights it has been a challenge-it's hard to cook for yourself.  Plus we get kicked out of the apartment during the day so he can sleep since Lily is a bit...shreiky.  Don't even get me started on going organic.  We could if we could also settle for living in a van by the river....I mean 4.99 for a pound of organic apples (compared to 1.99 is a bit extreme), plus I find comfort in knowing that if I fart the pesticides in my colon will kill any spiders in the nearby area.
  So what does one do when you are a VIP at McDonalds and the drive through worker recognizes you? (another story would be when I ran into the same drive through worker twice in one of her shifts, well not actually ran into her..that is yet another story..). Well that's just the question needing an answer.  I guess identifying the problem is the first step.
I will be writing more on this issue but I'm getting the look like it's time to leave so my husband can get some sleep...

It's always funny until it's your kid.....

My kid is obsessed...with remote controls.  It's her favorite toy right now.  She carries them around and plays with them more than anything else.  It was just her birthday and we were spoiled with so many toys..which she plays with but she still incorporates in the remote controls of course.  It's always cute and funny when it's someone else's kid.  When it's your kid you start to worry...will my kid be the weird one in her class?  I'm going to see if this is a phase, if not I may have to take her to remote control detox....Not only is it slightly embarrassing but it also means that we have no idea where the remote controls are half the time.  We've reverted back to getting up to change the channel like cavemen.

Don't believe me...

See:

Exhibit A:
Lily started walking while pushing her toy baby stroller.  Pretty impressive right?  If you don't have kids you're probably thinking "no I walk around all day and nobody writes a blog entry about it".  Anyways within 5mins of pushing the baby around, Lily tossed her and instead put the remotes in, you know since remotes are in need of being pushed around...now if only we can get her to bring the remotes to us....

Look ma, you don't have to worry about college after all!

At least I don't have to worry too much about her nurturing instinct, she was kind enough to give them some of her bottle.

All ready for their afternoon stroll, remotes are waterproof right?

Exhibit B:
Today Lily figured that it was time for her remotes to buckle up and get a proper education.  She packed them in her school bus.

One of those remote controls better come back a doctor...

Exhibit C:
With all the rain we've been getting lately I guess Lily was a bit worried about the safety of the remotes and the possibility of a flood.  Here is Lily packing them on her Noah's Ark toy.  You know since it's written: "and god said onto Noah pack thy ark with two of every animal and make damn sure you don't forget the remote controls"....

Well I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. I was once obsessed, with sprinklers.  Yes I carried around a hard plastic turtle sprinkler when I was younger.

Some call it Valentine's Day, I call it Tuesday

As you may or may not have noticed from your Facebook newsfeed, today is Valentine's Day.  It has got to be the most dreaded/anticipated holiday of the year.  Love it or hate it, everyone seems to have an opinion of it.  I've never heard so much gnashing of teeth over one holiday, except vegans over Easter-you know making that Cadbury bunny birth so many creme eggs just for our enjoyment...

Single:
Being single on Valentine's Day can be a little difficult-it can be a reminder that you are alone or your most significant partner has four legs and meows.  You can usually tell who is single since they will swear off the holiday, point out how corporate and meaningless it is while buying a tub of ice cream and crying to Bridget Jone's Diary.  To those I say suck it up.  It's the one day where people pity you not being tied down to a family.  The rest of the year we're reading your Facebook statuses being jealous of the trips you take, clothes you buy and the hot guys you get to date and LEAVE at the restaurant knowing you won't be scrubbing their toilets when you get home.  Just remember, I might get flowers and dinner today but tomorrow I'm back to buying off the McDonald's value menu and saving for my daughters education so she won't have to "dance her way through school".  Before the single people roll their eyes and say what does Mrs. Family know and send me a nasty-o-gram, I've only been with Dave for four years and before that I have 4 years of combined dating experience.  This means I've spent over 20 valentine's Days single.  My most depressing Valentine's day was when I ordered out for Chinese food and found a staple in it.  Close second was eating a large pizza.....by myself.  So I know, it can suck, but it's one day of the year.  Just to be clear, the maximum socially acceptable number of cats you can own when you're over 30 and single is still two.  Anymore than that and people are allowed to make crazy cat lady jokes.

Dating:
If its been under a year, the holiday is still fun because you can get away with a card or candy.  The bar is set low, especially if you have just started dating it's a freebie.  Sure there can be that uncomfortable "should I get him anything or not" debate but overall its a novelty rather than obligation.  I'd have to say out of everyone, the people who have been dating for more than a year have it the worst on this day.  When you're single, you already know what to expect (Mr. Whiskers doesn't have oposible thumbs to drive down to Purdy's) and when you're married you're too apathetic about the whole holiday. If you're on the cusp of a long term relationship especially if you're a guy, you're screwed. Nine times out of ten your girlfriend expects a ring.  So unless you're ready to do so, you should be doling out 3 months of your salary buying some fancy necklace or earrings.  You better not dare show up with a card.  If you're a man and you fit under this category and you are reading my blog while standing in line at the 7-11 buying said card, please either turn around and head to Spence diamonds or buy a shovel so you can dig your own grave.

Married:
Being married, Valentine's day doesn't have the same social pressure or expectation.  I mean no matter how romantic your partner makes the day, it doesn't erase the fact that the other day he tried to dutch oven you in bed.  To be honest, I am doing the same things I would have been doing today had I been single.  I'm sitting around in my yoga pants eating pizza.  My husband is playing video games.  The only difference is this time I'm ecstatic-I didn't have to cook dinner. Valentine's Day has even less meaning when you have kids, it becomes like everything else: all about them.  Instead of flowers you're buying those cards to hand out to classmates or maybe you have teenagers and you're waiting on the patio with a shot gun for your daughter to come home from her date.  All the romantic aspect of the holiday is stored right next to your sex life...if only you could remember where you hid that...

And Finally....people who may ruin your day today:

•  The "we got engaged today!":  No matter what your boyfriend does today, it will be overshadowed if your friend happens to get engaged.  If you are a man and you plan on getting engaged, at least warn your guy friends so they get enough swinging distance away from their girlfriends.  Dave and I got engaged on Valentine's Day.  It was the best day for me but we ruined it for another woman.  We went on a float plane with a few other couples, this guy went to the cockpit to talk to the captain and ditched his girlfriend who ended up sitting the entire flight alone so she was already mad to begin with.  When Dave popped the question already mad turned into murderous rage.  I wonder where she ended up burying the guy....
• The posts 50 pictures of all the romantic things we do while exclaiming how great your relationship is person:  They drown your newsfeed with 100s of photos and status updates about how romantic their partner is and  "OMG he's so great" that you start feeling envious.  All of a sudden that bouquet of flowers doesn't seem as impressive as it did 10minutes ago.  Take solace in the fact that they probably will be broken up within the week.
• The in case you didn't know cupid doesn't exist and it's a corporate holiday:  Pointing out that Valentine's day is a corporate holiday is like pointing out ice cream is fattening.  We all know it, why spoil the fun?

The B.A.T. Saga

     The most talked about news in the McRoberts' household is the new arrival.  No, I'm not talking about baby #3, I'm talking about us getting a big ass truck-For the rest of the blog I will refer to it as B.A.T just to keep things relatively PC.  For all the men who read this blog, the exact kind of B.A.T is a 2005 Ford F-150 XLT Supercab.  Dave has just informed me that XL does not stand for extra large but is the model name (could have fooled me!).  Please don't ask me what any of the other stuff in the name means.   As you have read in a previous blog, I am a bit partial to *ahem*, hating it.  Why? because I can NOT drive the thing and also I also don't believe in using a 5600lbs truck to haul around my 130lbs body.  Wait, wait, that sounds a bit hippish Kali, have you switched sides? Never.  I just think about the goldfish effect where a goldfish will grow to whatever size bowl it lives in.  I do not need an XLT butt thankyouverymuch. Plus I always laugh when really small people drive huge cars, it just looks weird-who takes you seriously when you're sitting on phone books.  Then again, I'm in a B.A.T., I can just get back in and run you down if you cross me.

Our B.A.T-Even after backing up I still couldn't get the whole truck

      Anyways today I did something I swore up and down I would never attempt-I drove it.  Yes, you see spite is apparently stronger than the fear of dying in a fiery crash.  If I can get it out of the parkade, down the street and park it, pretending I'm taking it for a drive for the day, I will consider myself successful.  If Dave gets it all week and makes me bus then he can bus during the weekend.  Plus Dave suggested that I try, he promises me that I will enjoy driving a truck.  Little does he know it is way more enjoyable to be bitter about us selling our car to get his dream B.A.T.
   Before going out I made sure to comb my hair nicely, put on a clean top and add a coat of mascara.  When there is a chance of getting your mugshot taken, it is always recommended to look your best.  If Lily or the other kid become famous or even president and the media digs around and finds my mugshot, I do not want the world to see me with flat messy hair and dull eyes.  A mugshot mention is my last shot at being famous and on T.V.  at this point in my life.

I have to lean forward to see over the dash...oh god, please don't let that thump be our neighbor

I decided that I would drive the truck out of the parkade and to Canadian Tire which is a 5minute drive away and roughly $30 in gas.  We had to get a wire cover for our internet cord that runs between the two computers since Lily has now gotten into the habit of wrapping it around her neck.  Seems simple. But full of challenges:

• Challenge 1 Get comfy: Reach the pedals without getting your stomach resting on the steering wheel.  Also make sure that the mirrors are adjusted so that you can check your makeup and hair to make sure it stays in place.
• Challenge 2 Don't knock the pillar down:  Our neighbor in the parkade is a support pillar.  Knocking down the apartment building trying to get out of my spot would be embarrassing.  For those that find yourself in a B.A.T, vear a bit away from the pillar as to not take it out with the tail or as Dave calls it the bed of the truck.  Also try not to rip any fenders off the cars parked in front of you.
• Challenge 3 Don't take out the nice looking family in the parkade heading towards a family dinner:  Even thought having a B.A.T. gives your the right-of-way in every situation, taking out a family of 4 on their way to Sunday dinner may reflect badly on your driver's abstract.
• Challenge 4 Don't show weakness: Anything in front of you is fair game (see above about right-of-way) but sometimes cars still don't clue into this rule.  When going down a one lane street and there are parked cars on both sides and a car heading towards you, play chicken.  If the car doesn't back down just drive over top of it. The B.A.T is the king of the road and like any good monarch knows, you need to maintain control and sometimes make examples of those who do not follow.
• Challenge 5: Pick a lane.  Contrary to popular belief, no matter how big your truck is, you do not get to drive down both lanes of traffic.  During our 5minute ride the most common phrase Dave yelled was "Move over".  I  have to check with ICBC to make sure if that is a hard and fast rule.  My truck just can't be contained in a two solid lines.
• Challenge 6 Park: Try to get it between the two lines if you want to be polite but really if you need more spots why not take them?  If I have a big purse, I will sit it in the seat beside me. I need that space.

Challenges accepted, completed and rocked!

I thought I parked it quite well, however Dave is walking around to fix it

  The whole time I was doing this, Dave was telling me "Not to be nervous".  Sage advice that I would have taken had he not been white knuckling the dashboard.  People tell you that driving a truck is easy.  However it is a whole different feel.  Don't get me wrong I enjoyed the power and respect that you just don't get with a Yaris and there is a part of me that loved hearing the "glug glug glug" as I motored down the road.  That being said I think I've fulfilled my truck driving quota for this month.  If I drive again I may have to invest in an Ed Hardy sweat suit (they do exist)...
  I'm still on the look out for truck bling.  Didn't see much at Canadian Tire.  I did get this Barbie paper doll toy in my Happy Meal today which Lily would have just eaten given her love for paper.  I found the perfect use for it-a nice dashboard decal.  Kinda gets the manly feel out of the truck.  Poor Dave, he grew up with all brothers and now he's in a household of all girls.  Not even his truck is safe from the pink invasion.

This might do the trick, hmm still not red neck enough, the search continues...

There we go, add a little bit of girl power with a barbie paperdoll kit from McDonalds.

Anyways now I can say I drove the truck, and nobody got hurt. Well I guess I should check the grill before I say that.  There could be a moose wedged in there and I wouldn't have noticed.

Lily's Birthday Party

 
     So I survived my first attempt at a birthday party.  Everything was amazing.  I'd like to take all the credit for it, but both my sister and mom follow my blog so I can't.  Seriously they worked their butts off.  Team Lily pulled off a good event this year-yes, Lily has a team of handlers to cater to her-Mom, Kirstin, Dad I'm so getting you teamster jerseys and those head band walkie talkies that the staff at Old Navy use.  I'm so thankful for my kickass family even if my mom stopped answering my many neurotic phone calls before the party.  Everything turned out despite all the worse case scenarios that played in my head last night (yes I should go get that checked).  My favorite worse case scenario involved Dave accidentally backing our big ass truck into house, what can I say? after midnight my head turns into a pumpkin.  Even my husband was able to get off work early and make it-which was good because if he missed it there would be blood and a hiatus from my blog as I finished my prison sentence.
      There were a few pregame hiccups.  Mostly I forgot that I had to make myself somewhat presentable.  I just assumed that I could wear my yoga pants (who am I kidding? I'm not from Vancouver, by yoga pants I mean sweat pants that say "Rugby" on the butt but when I walk looks like it says "Ruby"). I frantically tore apart my closet looking for something that would be a little more princessy...wait a minute, the paper bag princess was a princess-never mind, the hippies would probably have an issue with me using 20 paper bags to cover my shame.  Back to my closet:  the only items I were able to find were:

• A black long dress with slits up the sides and built in hot pants-vaguely inappropriate for a kids party.
• A bandage dress that made me look like a can of Pillsbury crescent roll dough after it has been cracked-have fun getting that image out of your head.
• The dress I wore to Elijah's funeral-not the sort of dress you want to recycle unless I have another son. I can wear it to his wedding.

Don't ask me why these items still remain in my closet.  I also found a pair of size 22 zebra print pants that fit me for two days when I was 17, I guess I'm under the illusion that one day I'll be able to squeeze myself them again.  I went for the bandage dress and in the mirror it looked okay.  After reviewing some of the pictures I realize that it highlights my "ass-plateau" perfectly (An ass-plateau as defined by Jen Lancaster's book is a roll of fat that sits on top of your butt). 
    I had a great time during the party even thought my hosting skill need a lot of improvement.  Luckily as always my mom was able to delegate.  If she wasn't there I think we would still be watching Lily open presents right now.  We also tried getting her to smash her cake but she wouldn't.  I guess she's a lady, she mostly just pointed at it which I don't understand-the kid loves to smash things.  I think everyone had a good time-if you didn't and you're reading this please don't tell me.  Lily was spoiled beyond belief, and I'm so grateful for everyone. 
  I ate myself silly with all the treats available.  I discovered the wonderful treat cake pops.  I vaguely knew they existed but I never bought them because they were $3 at Starbucks and that seemed a bit pricey for a glorified Tim Bit.  From now on, I would like all my food served to me on sticks and dipped in chocolate.  Those things are good!
  I had a lot of issue with pregnancy brain.  Maybe it was the sugar from the cake pops but mentally I was having trouble keeping it together.  Like remembering names or how to load a new memory card into our camera.  Anything technology-wise was lost on me.  My proudest moment was when I introduced my cousin to his sister and asked if they had met.  Even afterwards I was trying to figure out how to load pictures on Facebook but with little luck.  And tagging? I started tagging pictures of me as my sister.

I'm going to pass out from exhaustion or sugar crash any moment so I'm going to post a few photos and then go to bed.
PS-I'm naturally going to try out all of Lily's toys to make sure they are appropriate, yes that's my reasoning...what? Half the fun of having kids getting to play with toys again without looking weird....
Enjoy:

Birthday Girl

The food

The baby pit

Us enjoying tea

Group Shot of the baby pit

Planning a Party-Teasers

It is the eve before Lily's birthday party.  We have been planning and prepping for a few weeks now.  I know it may sound silly to go to such effort for a girl that will be too young to really understand, however our son's first birthday was a bit depressing (go figure) so I really wanted to do something special this year.  I'm getting a bit nervous-read:neurotic-about the whole thing.  I decided to post some teasers of tomorrows event.  Then tomorrow (or whenever I recover) I'll post some real pictures about the party and then I swear I'll give it a rest.  Trust me, I got some blogging to do about our cat-yes steady your breathe.  Anyways here we go.....

The Cookies:  I was in charge of decorating all the cookies my mom baked.  I thought icing cookies would be simple, I was dead wrong.  Food network I owe you an apology.  After getting banished out of the kitchen and permanently off cookie duty, my mom covered our shame with sprinkles.

It's a kid's first birthday.  Like Lily knows what a castle looks like.

The Party Favors:  Keeping in my theme of choosing vaguely age-inappropriate toys,  I selected swords and wands.  As I have pointed out in a previous blog I have now realized it is not the smartest thing to jack kids full of sugar and then give them things to hit themselves with.

A grainy picture of the girl's goodie bag.

Arts and Crafts:  Somewhere, somehow down the line someone thought I was crafty.  I am crafty but not in the "create works of art" kind of way.  I'm more crafty in the "talk your way out of this one now Kali" kind of way.  However I did construct a welcome sign, the secret? glitter glue.  It's the sprinkles of the arts and crafts world (see above about sprinkles and decorating cookies).  I was actually semi-proud of my job until my sister asked tonight "what the hell is that? wrapping paper?".

I have also posted pictures of the invitation in a previous blog.  It was really just me applying stickers.  Apparently they were starting to peel by the time they reached their destination.  I blame Canada Post.

The Decor: We never got around to actually doing the decor because we ended up spending most of our time trying to make the cake pops.  Whatever my mom and sister come up with I'm sure will be amazing *wink wink*.  Which brings us to the.....

The Cake Pops: We attempted to try to do cake pops.  Way harder to do then one would think.  They are basically cake mixed with icing, rolled into a ball and then dipped with chocolate.  If you're really talented they can be quite elaborate.  We decided not to push our luck.  They ended up taking hours to do and hours for my mom to fix.  On a side note, Timbits dipped with chocolate can make the same effect...that's the Maple Ridge way of doing things....

Melted chocolate tends to run.  Problem solving test#1:Figure out how to keep the chocolate on the pop and not on the table or hands

The tops went all flat.  I say it's to celebrate the fact that Lily's head is also flat.  Not everything has to be perfectly round.

Once again my mom saves the day-add a little icing and the flat tops are now flowers.

The dress:  After I used Lily's princess dress for her one year old photo shoot, I decided we couldn't have her parade around in the dress a second time, like a hobo.  So my mom bought her an actual Cinderella dress.  It says Cinderella on the tag.

Can't wait to see what it looks like on her.

The Thank you cards: Thank you cards use to be such a strenuous task.  It wasn't that I'm not thankful, they just seemed exhausting to do and took forever to complete.  It wasn't until Lily's baby shower that I realized the secret: Leave the husband out of it.  For my wedding, I made my husband help choose the template and photo (which involved us going back and forth on templates and phrases until it was perfect), making him help with what to write (I swear Lily has a longer attention span, plus I had to tell him what seems funny in your head may be lost in translation without the tone and just come off as insulting on paper) and trying to get him to chase down addresses (so the finished cards would sit on my nightstand for months).  After Lily's baby shower I picked the card and phrasing myself, ordered the prints and sent them off. I was done in a day or two.  Anyways since Dave went straight to bed I decided to work on them tonight.  I have just finished designing my cards and just need to order them. 

Wish me luck tomorrow!

My Baby is One Today

Today is Lily's First birthday.  She is no longer an infant but a toddler.
     Despite all our best efforts-dropping her, accidentally dislocating her arm, feeding her honey and peanuts- she has made it to one.  I remember when we first brought her home.  We had no clue what we were doing.  The best the government of Canada could do education-wise was give us a book entitled "Baby's Best Chance" (how encouraging) before sending us on our way.  Seriously, they'll fail me three times for my learner's permit for driving but they don't even quiz me on a few basic parenting issues?  BTW that book makes an excellent paperweight, I so didn't read it, maybe next kid....The problem with kids is as soon as you master one thing they enter a new phase making your old skill set completely useless.  Like you finally learn which way the diaper goes (sticky tabs at the back) and next thing you know you have to potty train them.  You finally get them to take a bottle and BAM if you're not cup feeding them you're rotting their teeth out of their head.  The way I see it, the first two years are a freebie-your kid won't remember it so they won't rat you out to their therapist.  After 2 you pretty much have to clean up your act, otherwise she's dating bikers-or worse-a hipster vegan (I still don't know what you did to Kirstin mom...).
  We had a pretty quiet day today, spent it with my family.  We're having a party on Saturday so there was no real need to get all crazy today.  Since we just had Christmas, Lily got the best toys the clearance bins offered.  But seriously, she still doesn't really understand what a present is and half the time the magic is just the box it comes in.  I fear the day once she starts knowing what she actually wants and has expectations.  I wrapped her present with extra care, since I know presentation is everything:

How I wrapped her present:  She doesn't know the difference.  Plus the Santa sort of looks like mommy at the moment.

We bought her fridge magnets, not just any fridge magnets but educational ones.  They cost me $20 and already I want to throw them in the trash.  It's the one where you are suppose to mix and match pictures of vehicles and it plays music.  Besides being incredibly annoying, the thing has an attitude.  Seriously, it's the most obnoxious and condescending toy I've encountered yet.  If you incorrectly match a car with a plane, it will go "a car-plane??" like you just told it you saw a two butted unicorn or told it you don't believe in the internet.  It'll then tell you you're silly and play a tune mocking you about how a car train would never run correctly if one existed.  Like try again dumb ass.  I'm sorry I didn't raise a Mensa baby leapfrog. Maybe by the time she's 16 a car-plane will exist!  Also right on the box it says be careful not to drop the unit.  What's the first thing Lily does? Monster Lily smash on floor!!  Chances are this thing will be broken in a few days anyways.

A car-train?  You can shine it up, but so you know, a car train-it won't go.  Leap frog fridge magnets is very disappointed in you Lily.

 I also bought her a rocking horse, just a $14 simple one.  It plays no music which makes me happy.  I'm pretty sure however she will find a way to propel herself off it and into the piano so she'll have a nice shiner on Saturday.  We also had a bit of a dress up day-well that's my "fun" name for getting rid of stuff.  Since she's a year old it was time to go through her clothes and toys.  I have a "bring something in the house, take something out" policy so we don't end up on TLC hoarders.  So I spent the day strutting Lily on the catwalk seeing what fit and what didn't, hello TLC toddlers and tiaras!  She has already mastered looking in the mirror and kissing her reflection.  I ended up picking out a fun little tutu outfit for tonight and as I was leaving the apartment a lady asked me if Lily was starting to pick out her own clothes.  I said no and she then quickly added she looked nice. Ouch. Fail.

My mommy dresses me like an 80's informercial...and I get blamed for this mess!

My parents bought Lily an ice cream cake, it was her first time trying chocolate.  I enjoyed watching her shovel in a big piece of cake and then shudder and screech when she got brain freeze, again and again.  I should have brought her fridge magnet toy-it would probably have a song to mock her about that.
        Anyways as usual, Lily got spoiled and we had a great day.  Tomorrow we will be doing the final prep work for Lily's big party on Saturday.  

Love thy Neighbours

     We have a new neighbor in our apartment building.  I met him the other day-I was leaving the apartment with my stroller full of recycling and garbage-strollers do double as garbage ferries (Lily was in the apartment with Dave) and he passed me by.  I was wearing my old faded mat pants, rubber boots and a PJ top-basically Maple Ridge formal wear.  He peered inside the stroller briefly when he walked by and gave me a quizzical look-like who let the bag lady in?  I met him a few days later when Dave and I were in the elevator and we introduced ourselves, a little less awkward (because there is nothing awkward with Elevator chit-chat).
     I already know that we may have some neighborly difficulties in our future.  This is because us and the new neighbor are from two different worlds.  We are family folks and he is a older single bachelor never married and never had kids.  It's like a version of the odd couple.  We have all the making of a corny late night sitcom, fake laugh track and all.  What's even better is his living room shares a wall with Lily's bedroom.  He must be enjoying the midnight shrieking-with our baby monitor in our small apartment it actually plays in stereo (he must wonder how many kids we're hording here).  We're sure enjoying him playing his TV at the ungodly hour of 9PM when we're trying to put our cranky kid to bed.  He also probably appreciates it when he catches an elevator with us and I'm carrying a bag of steaming dirty diapers to the garbage.  I can tell he feigns interest in the family life as he silently thanks god for not being married as I have to kick my husband who is all googly eyed that the man is going to his nice, quiet apartment to drink a beer instead of spending the evening telling Lily not to chew on our furniture or lick the glass patio door. 

I'm sure he'll get use to us. I mean he joined the ranks of all the other characters in our apartment like:

• The Mystery Vaccuumer: Someone, somewhere insists on vacuuming at 5am in the morning, every morning.  I can't figure out which direction it's coming from, but I shudder at what exactly makes a person need to vacuum so often, maybe there's a petting zoo I don't know about?
• The door/cupboard slammer: May be the same person as above.  When they are getting ready for work they insist on slamming every door and cupboard in their whole house-like they're angry at the world for having to get up at 6am.
• Herd of wild elephants: They reside in the hallway and and charge around 7am and 5pm, sometimes shaking the floorboards.
• Mr. Multiple Parking spots: Seems to be renting/owning every spot in our garage.  Wouldn't be as offending if he didn't violate the visitor parking area with more cars.  We live in Maple Ridge, why can't he just put them on blocks and park on the street like everyone else.
• Mr. Green: Works at a local community college, met him when I was looking into courses in 2010.  Tried to sell me on how the college was going green and how important the environment is (I don't know what I was wearing that day that made him think I was a hippy).  When he noticed we lived in the same place we had a chat and he slipped that he drives to work every day-the college is a 10min walk from our place.  Also violates the visitor parking.
• Drunken Patio Fighters: Gets drunk on work nights then fights...on the patio..so everyone can hear.  On a slow TV night sometimes its a benefit.
• Mrs "Fight the man": convinced strata is evil and trying to rip us all off.  Sends angry, insulting letters to the strata members and passes around a newsletter about how crooked members of the strata are.  She's so bad that she's earned a rep with the realtors.
• Others: Such as the neighbor we found drunk and pant-less in the hallway.  We noticed socks by our doorstop and followed the trail of clothes to find him passed out in all his glory in a corner(think he moved) . The mystery pooper who on rainy days lets their dog out to do its business in the hallway. When they got caught their solution was to  prop the security door open a crack so when they let the dog out in the hallway it can get outside.  Techno Techno Dance Party: would blast techno music-at 11am in the morning.  It is never okay to blast techno music, in the morning its a hate crime against my ears (I also think they moved out). 

And of course, there is us-the breeders.  I moved into the apartment pregnant 2 1/2 years ago and am still pregnant.  Now that we are proud owners of a big ass truck, we still park it downstairs even thought  it barley makes clearance-seriously the radio antenna hits the pipes as we drive.  I pity the lady who shares a parking spot next to us, she gets to navigate her nice 2seater sports car between the truck and a nice pillar. 

There are a lot of nice people in our apartment-like the person who gave me a gift certificate for mat clothes, the neighbors across the hall that gave us toys and muffins when Lily was born, the building manager that gives Lily toys.... Maybe I'm just a jerk for judging the few that annoy me.  I think when you all share a small place, everyone's crazy is out on display and when you live in a veal pen its all the more obvious.