What's in a name?

With only two months left in my pregnancy, Dave and I decided we should start talking about baby names.
The name game can be a daunting task and some people tend to over think it.  I mean I guess it is pretty important, whatever name you pick will decide whether your kid is popular or is a social pariah, a doctor or a bum, a serial killer or a well adjusted member of society, you get my drift?.  Dave and I have never put much thought into our kid's name, we usually pick the least offensive name that we both can agree on .  However I do have a few simple rules which I will outline for you:

Don't do this to your child.

• It is a common name:  There was a trend a few years back to try to make your child's name as unique as possible.  It stemmed from some hippy movement (because hippies are the source of all movements I do not understand) that a child will not have its own identity if it had a name like everyone else.  In response people would combine names or smash their heads on their keyboard and pick whatever came up on the screen.  Millions of teachers screamed in anguish at trying to figure out how to pronounce little Xzuiuvk during role call.  I am married to a David, and it has got to be one of the most common names in the world, there's millions of them and I have never once heard Dave complain about his name or say it has held him back in anyway.  I on the other hand have a less common name, yes I met a few Kalis in my day but they were all dogs-literally-of the white poodle variety (maybe that's why I love the 80's perms).  Sometimes it gets annoying trying to correct people on what to call you.  BTW so what if there are 10 Jason's in your child's class?, Apple sold 37million IPhones last year, are you going to walk around with a Nokia to be edgy?
• Don't mess up the spelling:  Related to the top rule.  A trend probably resulting from parents realizing that with billions of people on the planet there is a chance that someone may still have the same name regardless of how many times you smashed your head on the keyboard (probably stemming from Hipsters, once the hippies grew a little older they grew a little common sense).  However, they didn't want their kid to be one out of 4 Ashleys so they thought they would take a common name and spell it different.  For example, take the name Jackson and maybe throw in a few Xs for good measure, its pronounced Jessica but the two Ks highlight her individuality!  Take it from someone who has an uniquely spelled name. The novelty wears off when you're constantly trying to explain to people how it is actually pronounced.  Like you probably have been calling this "Cal-Lee's" Blog not "Kay-Lee's" Blog haven't you?  HAVEN'T YOU?  Anyways you will not be earning yourself brownie points for originality from your kid, just a guarantee of spending your senior years in a crooked old age home.
• Long Name: This is not a hold fast rule but more of a preference.  I love long names.  That way you can let your child know exactly how much trouble they are in by how much of the name you use.  This includes a few middle names to boot.  Both Dave and I have two middle names each and for our wedding announcement you couldn't tell if two people were getting married or four.
• Able to Shorten Name:  I think we have established in previous blogs that I am lazy.  Which brings us to the next point, I must be able to shorten their given name.  For example Lily is Lil, why waste breath on unnecessary syllables? (unless they are really in trouble).  Also by the time you use a toddler's full name, they have already hit the cat, eaten cat food and is ready to reek havoc on the Iphone.
• Doesn't start with a "R":  I have a lisp, I say my R's as W's.  Why torture myself?  For example I love the name Rose but I don't want to explain to people I am not messed up and called my child Woes.
• Think about the future: Never call your daughter Ivana or Ima.  You never know who they are going to marry and what last name they will take.  We've all seen Austin Powers and the female spies have names like "Ivana Humpalot" and really? Do you want to do that to your child?
• Meaning, Meaning: Just because a name sounds good shouldn't mean you should ignore the meaning behind it.  Take my name, my mom picked it because it meant love and was Scot-Gaelic word for party.  Pretty harmless right? Well the spelling she chose just happened to be a cool but fearsome Hindu goddess of destruction.  It's fine if you're a house wife in suburbia Maple Ridge.  However if you work in an IT department that deals with people in Bangalore (which I did) it can be a bit embarrassing.  I bet you every time I called them with a technical issue, someone would laugh and say "ooohhh the goddess of death and destruction has locked herself outta Windows again".
• Resist the temptation to be a jackass:  What give you a chuckle today may turn your child into an axe-murder tomorrow.  I love the names Megatron McRoberts or Roberts McRoberts but a little self-control goes a long way.