As you know I traded in my last piece of dignity for my husband's B.A.T. You'd think he'd be over the moon and happy into conning his poor wife into such a purchase that he would let her have some peace. I just assumed that once we got the B.A.T. he would stop talking about trucks, stop looking at trucks and stop pointing at trucks asking me if I liked that one (Spoiler alert: they all look the exact same!). Unfortunately, no, because unlike the cheese, the B.A.T. does not stand alone. I was informed a few weeks ago that the truck wasn't functional. Wasn't functional?! What the hell does that mean? Did the salesman tell you that if you planted the B.A.T. it would grow into a bean stalk? I was in it the other day, it got us from point A to B while releasing enough carbon to raise the world temperature a few Celsius-seems functional enough for me. Apparently we needed a tono cover. "Okay, Fine" I sighed, while thinking to myself, how much is this going to cost me? $700-so when I told him in no uncertain terms that we were not sinking more money into this vehicle I got to witness a mantrum, which is like not unlike one of Lily's tantrums minus the cute and add a healthy dose of WTF.
I made a deal, he can buy the stupid cover if he sells his Ford Ranger first and uses that money towards it. I knew for a fact that if I let him buy the cover first, that truck would spend the remainder of the 2010's outside our apartment. I never saw the man spring into action so fast. It was on Craig's list and sold within 2weeks. Did I mention I still have pictures that I have been bugging him to hang for over a month now? Maybe I should tell him if he hangs all the pictures or at least changes all the burnt out light bulbs in the apartment he can buy a grill for the stupid thing (seriously this place is a man cave it's so dark, on second thought when it's dark in here no one can notice the size my butt has gotten.....).
Now that his dream is complete, and I mean it better be complete otherwise I'll be completing the action of my foot into his groin, it's time to look at my main vehicle-a new stroller. At first I was acting all sensible and looking at buying second hand until I realized, if my husband gets his dream truck, I should be getting my dream stroller. If he gets a Big Ass Truck, I want a Big Ass Stroller (or B.A.S.). You'd think there would be no debate, however he balked at the $500 asking price (did I mention it's still cheaper than a tono cover). He wants to get the "thrifty model" because it's not that big of a deal, you don't need all the bells and whistles-Seriously? I'd like to see an all female jury convict me if I actually executed the thoughts going through my head at that moment. I should have told him that if he bought me that model and I'll be removing the wheels off his truck (cuts down on gas mileage honey!!). You see the man doesn't understand that I need a reliable stroller, especially since I do not have a car and he works nights. I'm usually the one with deep pockets and short arms but I know that I use my BOB 1-2hours a day so going cheap is not an option. For him the stroller is a novel thing he enjoys lugging in and out of the trunk and pushing around the mall once in a while. For me, a stroller is my work truck and making me go cheap would be like him having to use an Yaris for work and side jobs.
So anyways I'm looking at the Phil and Ted stroller and it is a B.A.S. It's not as much as a beast as the BOB but it's pretty close. I looked at the BOB double wide very briefly as a comparison point and if the Phil and Ted is the half ton Ford F150 XLT then the BOB dualie is the full ton. Seriously I doubt it would even fit through our apartment door-see what my husband did to me?? I'm now speaking in tongues, truck tongues ACK! I was reading the reviews and this man said that him and his wife were having a "minor miscommunication" and ended up backing over the folded up stroller with their car, and the stroller still worked after, I bet it broke the axles off their puny city car in the process. Anyways like any work truck the stroller isn't functional without the accessories. I need to sink in at least $200 on accessories to make the thing functional and a rain cover? is my tono cover. So hunny, write me a check for $700 because mama needs a new big rig! I need a stroller that I can use as a battering ram to move the elderly and the teenaged out of my way. I need a basket that can carry a few 26ers. When I go down the sidewalk, pedestrians better know to get out of my way because between them and the B.A.S., the B.A.S. will win. When I cram that thing on the bus and take up an entire aisle and seat section, people should give me the side eye but dare not groan. People should look at my B.A.S. and have no doubt, I rule the sidewalks and I am their queen!
But seriously I spent at least 30minutes laughing at the Phil and Ted website. They are all so city looking and trendy, they're all wearing heels and parading around the boulevard. They are having champagne lunches and their kids look oh so very happy and well behaved (they would never think about having a BM during dinner). Except the thrifty model photos-the kid in that picture is wearing crocs and their slogan is "you could divide the two ply or reuse your tea bags to save money or you could buy the thrifty model" (I wish I was joking). Yes crocs are very Maple Ridge (and VERY comfy), and two ply is a luxury (number 2's only!) and yes we do reuse our tea bags (heck I've been with the same tea bag for two years now..) but really is this what country parenting versus city parenting really is like? Plus I'd like to point out that the thrifty model is still almost $400 and if you have that much for a stroller I highly doubt you're freaking out about your two ply rations.
In case you're wondering Dave did buy his tono cover and it wasn't $700-try $1000. Tricked again. I am so getting the additional cup holders and colored liners on my B.A.S.
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| You will be mine, oh yes. You will be mine. |
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| The kids look happy and are laughing because we just ran over your dog with our B.A.S. |
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