Baby Proofing the beast

   My apartment is a death trap.  Apparently I was unaware of this fact until Lily started crawling and completely aware now that she's pulling herself up.  In the two years that I have lived here, I've never had a near death experience..well actually one when I was DE-bacheloring the place and learnt what single men keep in their kitchen drawers-keys, lots of random keys and matchbooks....  Anyways Lily has opened my eyes about just how dangerous we live.  In fact there is a certain game she likes to play called Darwinism-You take everyday household items, say a potato masher and try to figure out how to impale yourself on it.  Speakers no longer only play music, they are also wonderful items to pull down on top of yourself or reenact that famous Indian Jones scene with the cat by bouldering it on top of him (the cat no longer says meow but FML).  Who ever started the chicken/egg debate obviously never had kids.  Without the chicken, who would tell the egg not to roll off a cliff or not to stick its beak in an electrical socket.  Without the chicken we would have a smashed egg and no way to explain how foreign meat tastes like.
We started the task of baby proofing about three months ago.  The more we baby proof the more I realise that we're not making things safer, we're just sealing in the danger.  Fire grate? Perfect item to scale and use as a slide to get to the fireplace. Cabinet locks? Perfect for smashing tiny fingers and mommy's big dreams of having a concert pianist.  Also now it's making the place unsafe for us. That TV we wall-mounted so Lily wouldn't pull on top of herself? Countless concussions from walking into it.The closets jammed packed with stuff we can't have lying around? There's always an avalanche risk....
Not only this but our apartment has turned into a giant Rubik cube.  Need a place for the next SAW movie? Bring them over here and tell them to make it from the bedroom to the kitchen and cook something.  Need a challenge for minute to win it? Unlock my cleaning supplies cabinet. NBC if you're reading this, call me, I'll be waiting.
I guess it's not all bad thought, we're challenging Lily's brain development by making her think of creative ways to injure herself and get pass the proofing. 

On another note I'm waiting for our pizza to arrive for dinner.  We're locked out of our pantry and very hungry.  I hope the delivery person understands why I'm going to answer the door without pants-I can't get into my closet.