Twitter Twat

I don't understand twitter.  Twitter is like your 14yr old nephew-from a younger, different generation with multiple piercings and nail polish.  You're sorta intimidated by it but at the same time you want it to think you are cool.  I want to be twitter's cool aunt. The one that sneaks it into inappropriate movies or let drink coffee, I want twitter to like me.  I've had a twitter account for a few months now and only have tweeted a few tweets-to be honest it just doesn't make sense.  I'm more like twitter's aunt that smells like tomato soup, have multiple cats and gives it knitted sweaters for its birthday. I'm its weird, creepy aunt.
The whole concept is foreign to me. It seems like you write something, giggle to yourself about how brilliant you are and then throw it aimlessly in cyber space hoping maybe a celebrity will notice your biting wit and follow you. Or you can choose to follow a celebrity (bbbbaaaa) and be informed on how Kim Kardashian really feels about the state of world politics or chaos theory.  To me it just seems like you're shouting random things on a busy street corner hoping someone will take notice.  You're like that homeless guy that stands on the street corner yelling obscenities, the only difference is that you have WIFI and he may get a few coin thrown his way.
What about the word count?  I find myself writing my phrase only to see that I've grossly gone over 140 characters.  So what does one do? Start chopping words and grammar, forget about grammar, that is so 1990s.  I'm worried that by the time Lily is learning to read and write she won't understand that real English words have more than 3 letters and don't contain numbers, GR8T! WTF!  Hashtags are another thing, that's apparently when you use a pound sign.  At first I thought it was when you wanted to yell or perhaps when you're really excited.  I still don't know what it is used for.  I almost think it's an apology for cutting out all spaces so that you can make your word count.  I also do not like the concept of no feedback.  Yeah people COULD retweet you but at least on Facebook people can like your status or comment so you know if you're being funny or an ahole.  I'm vapid, I need to know that I'm exactly as funny as I think I am.
Luckily I know a cool aunt, Lily's aunt Kirstin.  So next time she's in town maybe she can school me in the ways of twitter. I feel I must know-in the future I believe we will eventually all communicate via tweets.


I think my friend B. put it best that twitter allows you to shed all social responsibility, you no longer have to second guess what your friends would think about it so if you're taking a dump? Tweet about it.  Which makes me a little more than concerned... I haven't seen him tweet anything since I added him a few days ago.  Maybe I'll send him some prune juice.